Thursday, September 30, 2004

SFC. why do people always feel sad?
caught up in a huge mix of emotions today. well maybe not emotions but more of feelings. i was serious when i said im anti social and i'll box u if u come near me or irritate me. its just those times when u want to be alone and not have anyone say anything.. but at the same time, u'll be hoping for just one person to break the anti social trend of thought u know? anyone will do, as long as the person dont irritate u further ahahhh.

its just that sometimes u feel like shite but yet u dont know why u feel like this nor how to even describe how you feel. that happens all the time to me. i'm not always fine and dandy. its just that i dont want to show it out cos i figured it wont do anyone good anw. which is why sometimes i feel like an insignificant pawn in the background. but then again, i always am that. a lot of times i just like to sit and watch the world go by. it calms me down. which explains why sometimes i dont say a lot or contribute a lot to talks and discussions around me. which i bet is the reason why some people think i have not much mind of my own.

actually why do i even bother justifying all that crap. no one's gonna care anw. i just think that all this seem more real when its down in words. but what for rite. some things, i need to think through it myself before i can figure out how to deal with it. some things i need lots of time, time to lessen the freshness of the situation before i'm ready to tell anyone. and some things i dont even tell. guess im more affected by it than i realised.


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slept in comms class today. what a great feeling. and ltb seriously is quite a waste of time. maybe i shouldnt have gone to sch today.
saw paul in the libray. i think we were amused at and by each other. hahaa.
qm midterms tmr. am supposed to be studying but i have been slacking. im gonna shoot myself in the foot. come to think of it - sensitivity analysis, shadow prices.. it all fits in with the assasination scenario anw.

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
'Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
"Bigger Than My Body" ~ John Mayer
am suddenly into his songs again thx to edwin =)
and eh ed.. have to meet up someday! got stuffs to pass to each other rite.. hahaa.


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happy 21st bday Edmund!

its always so exciting when a friend celebrates a bday =)
anw thx for the treat at crystal jade.. it was great hanging out together as always!
yeah we do talk a lot abt old school stuff.. well what can i say.. old school rox! and the sfc.. wahahaaa crap like siao but super duper funny man... nice having dechao n russel in addition to our usual 5.. =)


a.n.w... i think i saw cr today. really looks like him. only thing that made me unsure was that that guy was in an army uniform. well unless it was another lie. whatever la huh. wth.. kinda spoilt my mood.

i just cant wait for tmr to be over! damn comms! damn ltb! in short i just cant wait for term break to start.


------ Tuesday, September 28, 2004

this is killing me.. i'm having such a horrendously painful headache its a pain to even describe the effects. today's ltb meeting is.... different. everyone was so stressed. half of us are suffering from headahces. i am still thankful for my team mates. they are great people to work with, despite the screw ups we encounter. oh turns out that yiqi is darrelle's childhood friend. woah is smu small or what.

argh this is killing me. to date, i have already downed 4 panadols and my head is still painful like shit. heh edwin n ming, i need ur help ahahaaha. aint it lucky i have such friends? ;p


------ Monday, September 27, 2004

THINGS TO DO THIS WEEK:
1. svap report that i owe gabondo for goodness knows how long liao
2. read last week and this week's FA so that i will finally understand gth's lecture
3. minutes for marcom meeting on 23 sept
4. practise QM!! midterm on fri!!
5. do the horrendously long and scary 1st draft for FA project.

this is hell week. welcome.


------ Sunday, September 26, 2004

I LOVE BAIN TO BITS!!!!!

bain darling, i love u to bits. u never fail to make me feel better, even if we're just chatting online. u're my bestest. i aprreciate it a lot a lot. *hugz*

good luck for ur own stuff gal, i'm crossing my fingers for u! *grin*
and remember to study hard also k..
argh i have so many things i wanna tell u when we have the time! i miss your presence a lot.. maybe i should have just gone to ntu? ahahaa. or u shd have come smu! ahahh!

if only there's a male version of bain... I'LL GRAB HIM!!!


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met kel on fri.. its been a loooong month since i last saw her.. had a marvellous dinner then we went to shop.. n our night got interrupted cos i decided to go clubbing. bahhh so sorrie dear. next week k!

anw met dechao, LN, anna, edmund n ray at chinablack.. heh i had fun that night with them la.. just that yeah, the guys wont let anna n i drink.. wats up with that man? we are not that lousy drinkers can. oh yeah, our friendly police stopped by at 12+ for spotcheck, kinda spoiled everybody's mood ahaha. but that's the first time i ran into this kinda things thou.. danced with anna and eh, something which i thought was irritating yet funny happened. wahahaa.. involved an 85 army guy urgh. *turn off* whahaaa..

chatted with anna, ray n ed after leaving black.. hmmm somehow i dont really want to think of us as sad fucks leh. thats really damn sad le. we are much better than that la. ahahaha.

week 8 peepz.. lets get wasted.


------ Friday, September 24, 2004

I WANNA SHOP!!

i wanna shop i wanna shop. i miss shopping.


------ Thursday, September 23, 2004

burnt out.. totally. i think i'm falling sick.

that sickening woman from our ltb vwo is officially a bitch. even our TA and our prof calls her that. if only u knew what she did to us. i am so pissed i wanted to call her and scold her and give her 2 tight slaps. bloody hell. we put in so darn much effort and she just totally screwed us upside down la. bet she only wants our concept for the library n she didnt really mean to work with us. BITCH. i am really darn f-ing pissed with her man.

i think my entries are getting quite irritating. i mean, who wanna listen to someone whining n complaining abt everything?

peepz i'm so sorry if i've "ignored" any of ur smses or sound half-hearted. im really busy, esp with that bitch now giving us more trouble. next week is hell week. 2 assgns and qm midterm. so forgive me pls.


------ Tuesday, September 21, 2004

hmmm it felt like a long 2 days. dunoe why also. anw.. had lunch with joanna on mon and its really great seeing her n talking to her again. shes really a wonderful faci n i'll never forget pow wow. it would be damn different without her.

was so so tired yesterday tt i fell asleep on the sofa at 8.30pm.. woke up at 10+, went back to slp at 11+ then woke up at 3 to watch man utd battle against liverpool! ooh it is such an exciting match.. was rather relieved when the match ended actually haha. its a well-earned victory i think. ronaldo was just superb.
went back to slp at 5 n only woke up slightly before noon.. think i slept too much cos im actually having a headache now..

ltb meeting today was productive. we managed to come up with a "readical idea" for our project. hope tt fussy woman over at the school accepts it. shes such a difficult woman to handle. sighhh. n we finished doing our team charter too. isnt that efficient for a 4-hr meeting? well at least i think it is. considering that some groups actually meet everyday, 3 hrs at a time. haha.

gotta do my ltb learning journal now.. ciao peepz.


------ Sunday, September 19, 2004

hahaaa mingyuan is sending me some super crappy videos. its a re-make of infernal affairs 1, starring andy lau, tony leung, eric tsang and wang qiu sheng. damn funny.
its abt andy lau wanting to lay his hands on cd-pro 2. tony has 2 of them, qs has 20.. but they all dont wanna sell it to him. so he does everything he can to get them, even doing a striptease haha. i'm at "episdoe" 6 now. damn damn crappy. wahahahaaa.. trust ming to have sth like that.

and oh i have to say this. acty i wanted to blog abt this long ago but it kept slipping my mind.
i had an odd dream on monday. there were lots of people in my dream. but i only remember ray n edwin well. u know why? in the dream, they were very nice to me. which i cant say happens very often haha.
=peace=


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i love driving. there's nothing better than sitting behind the wheel and taking control of it. it's relaxing man. although i'm like barely 10 lessons old. wahaha. next lesson will be on mon 5.30pm. rush hour. woot. looking forward to the challenge.. bring it on! heh heh..

attended SVC management retreat in the afternoon..
met bain and ate first.. updated each other on our lives haha. darling GO for it! oh n looks like my mummy is with james le.. now i finally have a proper daddy. wahaha.

erm yah. anw, marcom turnout was good.. yihui, joreen n dickson were there too. justin was there too. long time never see him liao. hmmm must say i benefitted from the retreat. got to know firsthand abt the refreshing changes SVC will be undergoing.. bonded more with marcom.. and of cos of our olympics dream.. good good..

had dinner with family cos today is my parent's 21st wedding anniversary! haha.


just finished my comms assgn. now trying to tackle QM. to all who have assignments due the coming week.. GAMBATTE!!


------ Saturday, September 18, 2004

hmmm dumb cit. bahhh. but i found a solution. use mozilla! haha. i'm just hoping the network connection problem i had on thurs was a one-off. if not i will really peng man..
went for be on thurs for the emcee training thing. was quite alrite. n hy n i realised there are 5 ppl (incl us) from our comms class there wahahaa.

had FA quiz on fri.. not as bad as i feared but nonetheless... sigh i must brush up more on my FA.

oh yah dumb comms TA. make me go back to sch tmr for 10 mins! just so she can evaluate n review my individual speech presentation. she lives at evans road, I DONT! sickening. so now i hafta go smu, then to paya lebar for driving, then to town again for SVC. sux man. i wouldnt mind it if the TA happens to be r***r but NO its not! bahhh. hahaa.

its 1+ and i cant get to sleep even though i feel tired. and hungry. thx ray, for unknowingly entertaining me. harold n kumar goes to white castle. haha.


------ Wednesday, September 15, 2004

heehee skipped the criminally early 8.30am stats lecture today.. went for the noon lecture instead. heh noon lecture has ln, jasmine, chi ching.. not bad.
had lunch with ln n ray at ficus n studied my fa there. realised how handicapped i am without my lappie haha.

anw.. was supposed to go home for dinner tonite but somehow, family didnt cook my share so in the end i went with them to adams for dinner.. me, anna, ray, edmund, ln n dechao drove us down.. nice having cow around.. another person to crap haha.

ok now complain time. i cant stand gan tin hua's lecture. wah piang like hypnotism time sia. dont like his voice. sometimes loud sometimes soft. then today during break, he say how come we never contribute den he asked me n xiangrun to talk more. piang. i try sia. but i don understand. how to talk? i don wanna be like some i-dont-wanna-names who talk without substance in class.. tt is not class participation! bahhh...

oh ya 3 diff grps of ppl ask me go mambo tonite! arghhh RESTRAIN!! NO!!
1. my pact not to club till at least mid term break!
2. my leg just recovered!
then shalynn ask me go nussu bizcom bash this sat.. apparently bain kenna psycho liao n she n my dearest shalynn now psycho-ing me to go zouk on sat. but i don like house music n i don like bashes haha. sat.. i'd rather go black, mu or devils bar.
RESTRAIN!!! argh...


------ Tuesday, September 14, 2004

family. friends. smu. studies. lessons. parties. life.

one month of school has passed. made new friends, learnt new things, laughed, whined, worried.. its been a fruitful one month i must say. made some really wonderful friends, sent off some good friends, thinking of and missing old friends.

anw.. accomplished a lot during my ltb meeting today. good progress. im so glad that my grp is efficient.. dont have to meet up like 5 times a week that kind. anw darrelle was playing clubbing music today lor. wah piangz.. tempting all of us! and when "move bitch" was played, there was quite a reaction amongst us gals. haha seems like that song is us gals' secret fave song! haha..

life now is good but im missing my girlfriends badly. u all know i think of u all a lot rite? =)
i love my girlfriends most. i enjoy myself most when i'm with u all.. bain darling, kelvina, hongyi, yvonne.. (heh don need to miss yv la haha).. girlfriends make my world go round.. more difficult to meet up now that all 4 of us r in different places. which makes the times we do meet all the more precious. i love u all.




maybe i should not have done what i did. maybe i should have tried harder. maybe i should not have complained so much. maybe i should have listened harder. maybe i should not have done things without thinking of the consequences. maybe i should restrain myself. maybe i should not have make others listen to my miseries. maybe i should have just shut up.

maybe maybe maybe. all the 1001 maybes.



------ Monday, September 13, 2004

am in pain. freaking great pain. it is a torture to walk.
went back to see the chinese physician after school. she said my leg fa1 yan2. in simple terms, its just like as though a wound gets infected la. now im getting worried abt my leg. i really didnt expect it to be this serious.
anw, today's session was super painful. everytime she massages my calf, i wince with pain. i think i must have looked damn pitiful lor cos this other physician started coming over to talk to me.. n he started telling me abt the different acupuncture needles used. he must have enjoyed seeing me cringe with every needle he takes out. but all in all, the 3 physicians present did a great job in entertaining me haha.
so now im back in a human leg wrap. sighhh. thinking of hiring a personal chauffeur for the next few days haha.

still have to go school tmr for ltb meeting. and i'm under orders not to walk around. sighhh. i should really hang a sign that says "hazard moving". oh but with the huge number of stairs at smu.. its no wonder if my leg doesnt heal haha.


ok i shall stop whining. cheers peepz. the week is still young.



Da... Seems I'm lost in my reflection
Da... Find a star for my direction
Da... For the little girl inside
Who won't just hide
Don't let me see mistakes and lies
Let me keep my faith
In innocent eyes
"Innocent Eyes" ~ Delta Goodrem
am into her songs now..



------ Sunday, September 12, 2004

ooh had a great driving lesson on sat.. no car stalling, no kan chionging, only fault is that mr lim say that the way i turn the steering wheel while u-turning is a bit wrong. otherwise, it was good. at least, i felt good. heehee.

met up with ervelyn, winston, mervyn, licheng n aaron in the evening. nice to see them again.. initially i was in 2 minds as to whether to go out but then... i'm GLAD i went! we went to watch 'the terminal' which is such a fantastic show! super funny! n heartwarming. the laughs are endless n genuine man! woot! n tom hanks is so charming in the show.. ahhh..

watch man utd vs bolton just now.. one word: DRAMA!! wah piangz. sack ferguson n sell silvestre la. its time to retire! damnit. grrr. only silver lining is that chelsea drew with aston villa too. hahaa bet that ln, ray n mingyuan must have lost money. oops i shdnt laugh.


oh yeah, my leg is now rid of the wrap.. feels better le but have to monitor n see how it goes the next few days la.. ppl if u run into me anywhere, PLS GIVE WAY! HAZARD MOVING!
haha.


------ Friday, September 10, 2004

hmmm finally went to see the doc's abt my right calf. its the chinese doc my dad goes to. had my leg soaked in a tub of medicinal water. its so hot it felt like they're trying to cook my leg haha. then this young doc helped to massage my calf. piang its damn painful but quite shiok at the same time. the tong4 de2 hen2 shuang3 feeling u know? then i seriously thought he was going to administer acupuncture but luckily didnt. dunoe how to describe the procedure la. then he wrapped up my calf and it looks like a human sandwich now. haha. oh did i mention he spoke to me in perfectly fluent english after seeing how i was struggling to explain my situation in chinese. hah.


anw.. went for the qm help session in the afternoon. and i left the place still feeling stupid cos i cant seem to do my assignment 4. darn la. how the hell am i going to pass my mid terms at this rate?
smu life is moving too fast! mid terms in 2 weeks! next week got FA quiz! help!

went for svap just now. heh great to see seemeng again. everytime i see him, i realised i miss him. HELLO uncle seemeng!! haha.

volunteer work. its my life as much as family, friends, school and parties. and i'm loving it!


------ Wednesday, September 08, 2004

hmmm.. its another week again. spent large portions of the past 3 days doing qm and trying to do my comms speech. objective word is t.r.y.i.n.g.... cos its still not done.. and my comms speech is tmr! going to faint le. qm on monday is nothing short of a disaster. i got absolutely no idea whats network flow programming. all of a sudden, integer n linear programming seem easier. bahhh.

had marcomm meeting on monday evening, so i was trying to kill time in the library with hy n pf.. that was when edmund suggested looking for a ptbf. wahahaa. n when i put it up on msn, a grand total of 12 ppl asked me why. of the 12, 4 were gals. wah maybe i shd consider turning les? NAH im too hetero for that. muahahaa.
oh and i finally met mingyuan n dickson. heard of my's name before le.. a med student, our future supply of MCs also! wheee...

went to sakae to eat dinner last nite. yum. finally saw joanna, who really reminds me of pk when she laughs.

anw. joreen asked for another meeting for marcomm nxt mon evening. n may msged last nite on svap meeting this fri evening. im going bonkers. so many! have i really bitten off more than i can chew?


------ Saturday, September 04, 2004

my calf is seriously killing me. today i was in so much pain that it hurts simply to walk 2 steps. and i walked around quite a bit. up and down and up and down. it nearly killed me. and when bain n i were walking towards somerset, my legs almost gave way due to the pain. what is wrong with my leg?


anw, attended nyc's "spirit of social entrepeneurship" event today, graced by dr vivian balakrishnan, minister for community development, youth n sports. and guess who attended too? elim chew, douglas foo and charles wong (to name a few). wahahaaa. elim chew = 77th st boss. douglas foo = sakae sushi 'boss'. charles wong = charles & keith boss. the whole event was alright, in fact i didnt expect it to be such a large scale. the whole event left me with a 'feel good abt urself' effect. which was really good cos u dont frequently get that when it comes to social work.
and i actually got to shake hands and talk to elim chew, douglas foo and charles wong! hahaa. i think i must have looked pretty starstruck just now. heh.

i wanna say something abt social work.. i think its really important that we contribute back to our society cos our society gives us so much. i admit i never used to think this way in secondary school. it was only in JC when some friends introduced me to interact club and then the trip to cambodia that changed my perspective. over there, i had the honour of meeting mr jose, from an NGO in cambodia, who said one sentence that changed my perspective and now is a strong guideline in my life. he said,

what would u give back to the society for the privilege of living?

i'll never forget that. the one thing about youths is that most of us dont realise the value of giving back. a lot of ppl do comm service just to get cca points n meet academic requirements. i really hope more youths will actually step forward n say like hey, actually i really want to contribute back to the society. every little bit helps. and dont ever think volunteers do sai kang. cos in the eyes of nyc (national youth council), volunteers are our most prized asset.


*if u wanna know more abt student volunteer corps (SVC), pls do NOT hesitate to contact me!


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in pain!

help i am really in pain.. there's an awful pain in my right calf. its not a calf strain and i cant describe which part of my calf is hurting. but its killing me and there's just a stabbing pain with every step i take.
last time i had this, i had to settle it at ssc.
OUCH.

(n im sorry to be such a whiner again)


was thinking abt some stuff just now. im such a bitch. i must be the worse person that i've ever known. the stuff that goes through my mind at high speeds surprises me sometimes. its all just pointing towards that problem i always knew i had.


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went for supper with the usual last nite (thursday) at chomp chomp.. oh yeah, get to eat my fave stingray again! =) it was super shiok eating supper at chomp's.. but then again, its always nice eating people who love food! (p.s. yesh bain that includes u although u appreciate food from the other end of the chain but hey, u are my darling after all! =p)
actually i cant really remember what we talked abt last night cos i was seriously quite tired. haha. so sorry peepz.

had driving today (friday). went to open my account with comfort driving centre. wtf. so damn troublesome. its just their way of creating more hassle and earning more money. ended up driving only half the time.. grrr. i want more driving!
but oh yeah, next available test date for private candidates is on 25/1/05 liao so i can kiss my wish of earning my license before year end goodbye. bahhh.

went to watch bourne supremacy with the usual at night. woot it was a great show! and that h.o.t actor. wahahaa. no i am not talking about matt damon. oh anw, ran into christopher from my comms class. haha. (u-know-who, r u reading this? muahaha) ok i shant be so evil. then i ran into.... christophe and joanna! woah this one surprised me! haha.


i was walking out of the place. and i saw someone with a bottle of coke. haiz. i hate cokes in plastic bottles. especially half filled ones. i hate them. but if i were to hate everything about u, i should have hated a lot of places and things too.
i was distraught just now. i just didnt want to show it. i dont believe u have the power to disorientate me.


------ Thursday, September 02, 2004

hmmmm i got lost in FA again. like wats new? have to go n read up again la. went to the waikiki meeting with hy after lessons yesterday. interesting. haha. and guess who came in too? nicholas. no not my shifu nicholas tay (i miss u btw) but nicholas the tpjc one. wahahahaa. talk abt a small world. anw me n hy doing logistics.

in library again. gosh i feel like a nerd. haha. but im not studying now. got ltb later n i did zilch for it. blooday slacka. damn. oh and guess what? roger is here too wahahaha. and he looks so intellectually cute in his specs (joyce r u reading this?!).. heehee. but haiz yet another person telling me that he is not cute. wah lao. think my taste really different from others sia haha. he. is. cute. haha.

cant wait for lessons to end!

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if you said so
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out, who am I to
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too
"Unpretty" ~ TLC
one of my fave songs of all



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