Sunday, October 29, 2006

-scar tissue that i wish you saw-

wellllll what can i say about this week? i wish i can talk more about my inner feelings, how i feel about some people and some stuffs but the thing is, i'm really quite tired now. been sleeping rather badly the past week. the (initially) nice dreams about that ethics classmate and going to bangkok eventually gave way about dreaming of bird flu, running from something, and an odd dream where jem soh was scared of spiders. it's just interrupting my sleep and more often than not, i woke up feeling as tired as ever. u know what they say.. if u can remember your dreams, then your brain wasn't resting. saturday i even woke up with a headache, how bad is that.

so i'm not exactly in a mood to think or say or feel too much now. the past week has been near madness in terms of pulling some strings to get things done. but thankfully, they got done in the end.
wednesday was chaotic on a personal level; my mind was split on the many things going on - contiki set up, music in the city, fxxy, and facing some people. gosh it was quite something. gymming helped calm my mind and for that blissful 40plus mins, my mind was entirely on breathing in-in-out, in-in-out, thank goodness.

ok relatively busy week ahead i guess. ama report, bp indv assgn (completed yay), bp grp assgn, fiim report. all internal deadlines though so i guess it's not that jialat.


on the bright side thou:
1) man utd beat bolton 4-0, with a wayne rooney hat trick! awesome!
2) i've finally gotten new running shoes! the uhm adidas a-cube energy ride. in RED!! super happy with my purchase.. thanks to hui ying and her 20% discount! thanks gal!

ok shall hit the gym tmr to break in my new running shoes.


------ Tuesday, October 24, 2006

-maybe i'm not enough; maybe i'm just too much-

join me in saying: jiahui is the world's worst procrastinator/slacker/refer-to-the-thesaurus-for-more-synonyms. i really am. 4 days and i still can't bring myself to flip that darn bp forecasting notes. and here i am again, blogging to waste time when i really should be reading the notes cos i haven't been listening in class.

ok work is a little stifling right now, what with people pulling out last minute and whatnots. i suppose it's partly my fault but really, i'm darn tired mentally, and i think it's kinda affecting the way i'm relating to and handling interpersonal relationships right now. cos lately, most of the time all i wanna do is just run and hide. like dig a hole and hide till everything is over. though of cos i can't do that sigh. would be great to be able to do that though. ok lim jiahui. u have 2 choices:
1) hang in limbo and feel like shit
2) send out that darn email u should have sent out a week ago and take the first step towards making things better!
wake up!!


anyway. man utd won 2-0 over the weekend with scholes (500th utd appearance no less!) and ferdinand scoring on each side of the half. watched the match at paulaner brauhaus with ray, ed, ln, jem and jem's 2 frens. atmosphere was pretty good and result was fantastic so at least it's one thing to be happy about =)


and actually i set my mind upon something after that contemplative bout of mine over the last week. but something that someone said over the weekend re-opened the can of worms whole issue and for a moment, i felt kinda thrown off my cg. but actually now that some time has passed and i managed to talk to myself again, i think i reached the same conclusion that i had before the weekend.
rarrr sounds like i'm a schizo or something, talking to myself all the time wahahhaa.


u know, the human mind can be such a powerful, dominant and scary thing. yes, bordering on scary.


I had a dream we went away, left this city for a day
You took me southwards on a plane and showed me Spain or somewhere
But in reality you're not so keen to show me anything
And I thought you liked me

Hey show some love, you ain't so tough,
Come fill my little world right up, right up
Someday your going to realise
(I want you to) To fill my little world right up, right up, right up

So what you gonna to do with all this stuff
Pilling up, filling up, taking up
You misunderstand me, all I wanted was some evidence
That you really like me

Hey show some love, you ain't so tough,
Come fill my little world right up, right up
Someday your going to realise
(I want you) To fill my little world right up, right up, right up

Maybe it's all too much
How come we're so messed up
Maybe I'm not enough
Maybe I'm just too much

Hey show some love, you ain't so tough,
Come fill my little world right up...

"Fill My Little World" ~ The Feeling


------ Saturday, October 21, 2006

-so goodbye sweet appetite; no single bite could satisfy-

gymming on friday was an excellent idea cos i stayed back to try and get some work done and who and where i went out to dinner with? it's the most unexpected combination. i went for dinner with paik and dodani at carl's junior. lolll. anyway dod said something which i considered really very complimentary and flattering but hmmm, that's not the case in real life la. i wish, but it's just not the case. haha.

oh i have fabulous dreams 2 nites in a row. thursday nite i dreamt of a certain ethics classmate. though not a particularly too pleasant dream, it was nice to see that face in my dream, if only for a while HAHAHA! last nite i actually dreamt that my family is going to bangkok for this long weekend! i was actually talking to my cousin and excitedly planning our raiding to chatuchak, mbk and platinum mall! and in my dream, i actually called LN to tell him that i can't meet him today cos i have a flight to catch at 5pm!

but then i woke up... and here i am in school again.


tmr man utd vs liverpool! ray and jansen come join us k!


It won't do to dream of caramel
To think of cinnamon and long for you

It won't do to stir a deep desire
To fan a hidden fire that can never burn true

I know your name, I know your skin
I know the way these things begin

But I don't know how I would live with myself
What I'd forgive of myself
If you don't go

So goodbye sweet appetite
No single bite could satisfy
I know your name,I know your skin
I know the way these things begin

But I don't know what I would give of myself
How I would live with myself
If you don't go

It won't do to dream of caramel
To think of cinnamon
And long for you

'Caramel'~ Suzanne Vega


------ Friday, October 20, 2006

-envisions-

 
Tim & Nicole the bday gal // us who attended the party // me & Jas with Zhi Hon // Tim & Zhi Hon (with Tim's leaves and Zhi Hon's uhhh full set of tools)

 
Daryl // Emily, Jas & Flea // Zhi Hon // Jeremy

it was a kinky party, hence the poses.

just came back from supper with hui ying, shane and jem at chomps. satisfied my craving for tau huay yummy.

i was in a contemplative mood for the whole day and i've been thinking about yet more stuff. hy i realised i said sth somewhat inaccurate, shall tell u what the next time i see you. 


------ Thursday, October 19, 2006

-eternal sunshine of a spotless mind-

FIIM midterm is finally over. it was a difficult time studying for it, as yuhui can testify. this afternoon mugging in the library with hui ying, jeremy tay and kok leong had me struggling with solving bond problems and finally hitting emergency button at 5+pm. thank goodness joyce was in the library and i managed to read through her solutions and understand bond calculations... and the same question came up for the midterm!! i really thank my lucky stars!

speaking of lucky stars, i got back my BP midterm too. well i'm not one to boast about grades so since i'm not kb-ing about them, it means i've done pretty well surprisingly. ok i know this might sound quite fake but it really caught me by surprise. i mean, i expected a pretty decent grade but still, this took me by surprise. don't flame me!


and as usual i've been talking to and of cos bitching with jemmy (haha ok new nickname for jeremy soh so as not to confuse with jeremy seah and jeremy tay, which actually somanyjeremy now makes a lot of sense) and i gained yet some insight into the workings of management. and to roundy if you do happen to read my blog, i emphatise with you. nevermind, the next time i see you, i shall do a cheer for u, no pun intended hehehe!

oh yeah just now on my way home, i took a nice long slow walk and took the chance to think about stuffs and to clear my mind, and although no real conclusion was reached, it felt good nonetheless. it's kinda like deleting some temporary files on your laptop so that more episodes of grey's anatomy, lost, house and desperate housewives can go in u know? good, therapeutic stuff actually. i love nice slow long walks alone.

and incidentally, i was reading the constitution of BE and there's this article:
10) The President has exclusive rights to dissolve the Executive Committee at anytime.

jeremy soh! do the right thing!


------ Sunday, October 15, 2006

-bedazzled and kinked out-

I'm currently back to 4 mods, which to me is really pretty slack. I mean, I have a 3-day study week now. Come on, how slack is that? But yeah I should stop before I get flamed by lovers of 3-day work weeks. But the thing about being so slack is that I don't get the momentum nor the motivation to really work hard. Take studying for my FIIM midterm for example, I'm procrastinating real bad and I can't concentrate for longer than half an hour at a go. Like how bad is that.

Anyway. Friday's FIIM meeting went rather well I must say. It was a pretty productive 3 hours and Adrian never fails to make me laugh with his blurness. Had free dinner at the OSL appreciation dinner, which wasn't bad at all but sorry Bain darling for not being able to meet you.. Next weekend I swear I'll be free!
Attempts to study in the library eventually evolved to me bitching about some library users to Jeremy, which led to me going back to studio at 10+ to study, which evolved to me studying for a while and talking to Jem and Jayne for quite some time.
Jem offered to give me a lift when he went to meet his friend for supper but eventually, we ended up at that prata place on Bencoolen St for supper. His friend is seriously damn funny. I'll never look at paddle pops the same way again. $50/pop lol.

Yesterday we went to the Bedazzled party as well as Nicole's 21st birthday party, of which the theme was... kinky. Ooooh I saw a real cute policeman there hahaha! Then we had Tim who was some Greek God, Alex the plumber, Zhi Hon the mechanic, Kevin the sailor... pretty amusing. The 2 parties were rather swell I guess, both had its own uniqueness. Shall put up pictures when I lay my hands on them. (Daryl yes, faster upload them!)


Early friday morning I was talking to my twin (who all of a sudden recognised me as his twin again, how lousy is that). And twin, you do know I enjoy talking to you right? I know come term time, I seem forever busy and sometimes uninclined to talk much but yes, I do enjoy talking to you la!


Oh yeah, last night I was helping a friend read through his reflection assignment and it just feels a little odd. Kind of like I'm intruding onto something. But oh well, I am beginning to learn more about different people I guess.


And actually Jem, something you said last night actually made me think about something else, and maybe how things might not be what I, or what everyone envision them to be.

Whatever.

Hmmm this might not seem like it but I'm actually in quite a contemplative mood right now. Shall ignore the smses from Mr Arrow-shooter heh.


------ Thursday, October 12, 2006

-can u help me unravel my latest mistake-

2 am and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites you're all here for the very same reason.

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
Just today he sat down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for while
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him but maybe I'll just sing about it

Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2 am and I'm still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to

But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand...yeah breathe
Just breathe, ohho breathe

'Breathe' ~ Anna Nalick


I know this song has been around quite a while but it caught my attention today especially.

If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to

Fwah! What fantastic lyrics!
Video here: anna nalick on youtube


------ Wednesday, October 11, 2006

-Frizz BE-

Quite a happening weekend for once haha..

BP midterm on sat morning is better left unsaid.. In the words of LN, the downfall of our paper is just 3 words - Kristen Cookies Company. Rotted in the studio playing spider solitaire, random surfing around and watching doraemon on pplive and xian zai bu zun xiao on youtube. When in fact I was supposed to be researching for my FIIM project gahhhh. Then went outside to throw some frisbee with Yu Hui, Kok Leong and Terence..

Met up with Jem, Hui Ying and Yvonne for the Strings Blended 3 concert, which hmmm.. let's just say I thought it was a very student production after all. Heh the 3 of them should know why I couldn't bear to watch the concert properly haha. But that said, well it's their choice I suppose, and I hope they are happy with it.
Went Breko's at Bugis with Yv and Hy for dinner and darn, I ate a lot. Jem eventually left with us too and we headed for.... teh peng near Yv's place. Actually it was more like teh peng, milo peng and teh alia hahhaa.

Woke up early on Sunday (like how long haven't I done that) to go school and play frisbee! Tk, LN, Kok Leong, Yu Hui and me were playing on campus green and man, I was amazed I actually woke up at 9am to play frisbee, which wasn't exactly a sport I enjoyed in the first place!

Sun nite went to Hy's place for AMA bonding session.. Mj, drinks, movies, the works.. And I also met Bain to get shirts from her. Got to chat for quite some time too. Love ya darling! *BIIIIG HUG*
eventually went to sleep at 4+am and woke up at 9+ cos it's frisbee day! We went out for breakfast at jalan kayu then rushed back, showered super quickly and headed down to Bishan Park for frisbee.

Needless to say, we weren't too good at it but hey, I really enjoyed myself spending time with that bunch of people. Our self-declared team manager Hui Ying, our captain Kok Leong and our star MVP Terence.. LOL makes for good memories.

Rushed home to bathe after dinner and then headed back to school again at nearly 10pm, this time meeting Anna, LN and Ray to chill. We were all part of Anna's month-long celebration plans hahahaa. It was real nice spending time talking about us, our plans and even our doubts. Too bad Edmund was still stuck at home with his bad leg. As I've said, the Fab 5 has come a long way, and we go for a long way more. Till the next time.


Ok actually I realised I haven't done a commentary on how I spent my time in this much detail in a long long time. I just felt a sudden urge to write it and it all just came out.

Tmr:
- Meeting with SSF at 3pm, National Library L3
- Wine appreciation class at 7pm, Cornerstones at Robertson Quay
- Mambo??

Quite a few photo moments. Shall post when I get them. Ciao!


------ Thursday, October 05, 2006

-thank you-

Yesterday I somehow spent nearly 2 hours in the gym. 6clicks and numerous various curls later, I am feeling sore all over. This morning I felt like my arms are coming apart. No kidding.

Anyways. Someone managed to majorly piss me off yesterday afternoon. And I just wanna thank Jem for sorting it out and looking out for me. Thanks boss, I really appreciate it. Sorted things out though, so that's that.


Oh Hui Ying and I went to the Europe fair this morning and I've got another option as to where I can go for my exchange... Belgium! It's a really good option. Ok I really got to sit down and start matching my courses real soon...

Been studying for the BP midterms today. Heh the midterm is on Saturday and I'm starting today. But ok la, I've been listening in class so it's not so bad..

YAY mid term break next week!
mon - frisbee
wed - wine appreciation and hmmm shd I mambo too?
thurs - FT dining; BP meeting; BP chilling
fri - sentosa?
sat - berzerk?
not bad sia... not many meetings to speak of! I realised as we progressed on into yr 3, we started to push alot of things back and start to do things alot more last minute.. I rem last yr, my midterm break was no break at all.


You know sometimes when you hear a song being played, you just can't help but feel for that song? The song may not apply to you but maybe that particular chorus or verse or the lyrics does. You can't quite figure out why but somehow it just manages to bring out everything at the same time? I heard one such song today and this is it:

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images
And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God Himself did make
Us into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you're away
When I am missing you to death

When you are out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now" they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now" but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
It sounded thin upon the sending

And that frankly will not fly
You'll hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
And this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now" they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now" but we'll stay

"Such Great Heights" ~ Iron & Wine


I know Postal Service did this song too and I like Postal Service's version a lot too but it's Iron & Wine's version that caught me tonight.


------ Tuesday, October 03, 2006

-Mask entry-

LOL I wonder what triggered me but I actually remembered that I have PPLive on my lappie! So it's off to PPLive I go, watching Tom & Jerry, Shaolin soccer (no kidding) and currently, waiting for Harry Potter 4 to finish streaming, all during Tax Planning class hahaha. Ehhh people around me are not any much better either. Adrian usually plays Gold Miner, the others chat, spam each other on email and Jem is actually playing Romance of the 3 kingdoms now hahaha.

Yesterday, LN and I happened to be talking in the studio and he actually jio-ed me to attend some talk on the 6-sigma quality tmr. Apparently WuZP offered bonus points up for grabs if we attend the talk and write a 1-pg summary for it. I'm all for the bonus points but... I just hope it won't be too boring.

Gym time tmr! Target: 5km within 40 minutes. I hope.

And may I add that... To a particular someone, can u at least check with me for my availability before you start shooting out your flying arrows? I think I'd really appreciate it.


------ Monday, October 02, 2006

-Can I confess, I've been hanging around your old address-

AMA presentation over yay. Not bad, considering we did the project in 3 days. Yay to our group for the big brains and the zai kias. Me, I'm just a small fry. Special mention goes out to Lin Juncheng Leonard, who turned up for presentation in a very nice purple striped shirt from Zara!

This morning during class, I was having a rather intellectual and thought-provoking chat with Jem, something which I haven't done with anyone in some time. Oh well. Guess sometimes we are all just so preoccupied with day-to-day issues, we cease to think about and for ourselves. What do I really want? What do you want? What should we do? Guess we need time to think about them. Time - not exactly on my side but then I guess some things shouldn't be rushed. Maybe if you did think about it, you might be clearer. Till then, the only thing left to do is just to wait.


Back on the train, I ask why did I come again?
Can I confess, I've been hanging around your old address?

And the years have proved to offer nothing since you moved
You're long gone, but I can't move on

And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain

'Missing' ~ Everything But The Girl

Thanks Jem for sending me the album. Great stuff.


------ Sunday, October 01, 2006

-talk about it somewhere only we know-

So you wanna know why look tired and preoccupied these 2 days? Why I have that faraway look in my eyes sometimes?

I'm bothered by you and by what you did and did not do.

Ever since I heard and saw the signs, I have been struck. On the one hand, I want to know and I was waiting for you to show me a sign because I trust you. On the other hand, I don't really want to know. I don't want to be in that position again. It's horrible.

So I tell myself I won't think about it. I don't want to. It'll be best not to think about it. Maybe that way, it might fade into oblivion and into the deep recesses of my mind. And there were times when I really wanted that to happen.

But me being me, just keeps thinking about it when I have some time to myself. Like waiting for others to arrive. Like walking along the streets. Like now. And it gets really tiring when my mind tries to contradict itself, when it starts to consciously push thoughts out of itself.

And that is why I look tired and preoccupied. That is why I have that faraway look in my eyes sometimes.


Why do I keep it to myself? Why do I deny it on the front?
Let's just say... It's a self-preservation thing.


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