Tuesday, February 27, 2007

-inside out-

sometimes, the environment makes a decision for you. and in a way, i'm thankful for that.

on another note, sometimes i really wonder how many times must i miss out before i can finally learn and gain something? cos i think maybe i just lost a chance yet again? i dunoe, and i really can't tell for sure. i know the first half of it is true, but i'm unsure about the second half.

in a way, yes, i gave it up halfway and later got confused over if i want it again. maybe that's why i can't have it. that must be it.

after all, if u want something real bad, u shouldn't think of giving it up halfway right?

for all the resilience that i have and for everything that i am, there are so, so many things that i am not. and it tears me up inside, and sometimes i hurt. inwardly, silently, badly, whatever. it makes me sigh.

like just what the hell is wrong with me?


------ Monday, February 26, 2007

this seems silly but now i have a decision to make - is my desire to not see you greater or is my desire to have u see me in a different light greater?
maybe i'm just kidding myself. maybe after all these time, you will never see me differently. maybe it didn't matter at all. but it's funny how after 3 years, i'm still so bothered by you.


------ Sunday, February 25, 2007

-ouch-

Yesterday was Wakiki day and backside-itchy me once again went to play beach soccer.

Sidetrack a bit, I think playing sports also kinds of reflects the huge change in my character from my sec sch days till now. In cedar when I was playing sports, be it badminton, captain's ball, netball or touch, I'd always wanna be attacking the opposition. I'd want to be the one who wants to score, or at least make the assist that leads to someone scoring. I loved thunder passes and quick breaks. In JC though, as I began to slowly lose touch with sports, I preferred to play in midfield and mid-court, linking up play and retreating to defend. When I came to SMU though, I very much prefer to play in defence. I like to prevent others from scoring, to sweep and to clear. I think precisely it's because I'm not that in touch with sports after my sec sch days that led to me becoming not as agressive and not wanting to attack as much. I think it's quite reflective of my character though. I have zilch creativity and prefer to read things rather than anticipate things. lol.

Ok back to Waikiki. So yes, I prefer to sweep and clear. And playing with guys, I'm not afraid to play rough with them and stick my leg into challenges and tackles (literally) too. Well after 2 matches, I felt a tiny niggling pain in my right foot and I thought nothing of it, just attributed it to physical exertion. When I took a better look at it though, it had quite a big bruise.

During the 3rd match, I clashed with a big guy over a moving ball from opposite sides. Well, we all know Newton's famous 3rd law right? Action = reaction. The force that the big guy exerted on the ball was much greater than the force I exert and the resulting impact on my foot ended up in quite a bad bruise and eventually, a bad swelling on my right foot.

 
The bruise after the 2nd match // My team: Sebastian, Ray and Edmund (Lester and Wanyuan missing) // Me and Hui Ying leaving Sentosa to go home and bathe and change for Switch // The 2 medic guys bound up my leg as if I sprained my ankle

 
Hui Ying and Yvonne stolled while I limped along Orchard Road after Switch. The Chingay celebrations were over but the post-event festivities and party was pretty nice, atmosphere was not bad. Pity I couldn't catch the actual parade though.

Anyway, last night was Switch, the ASOC dinner for year 3s. Pretty alright, the lobster was darn delicious lol. Went for Pearlyn's concert this afternoon to show support for her. It was at Alliance Francaise, and I got to check out the French classes there too. I'll be back if I get my exchange to Rouen!

 

And this is my foot after I removed my bandage last night when I got home. Note the difference between this pic and the one taken after the 2nd match. My foot swelled so much that the bones and the veins can't be seen anymore. Nice huh.



------ Thursday, February 22, 2007

-derailed-

Went to watch the fireworks with Yvonne, Huiying, Jemmy and Lenny on chu 2, then played mahjong at yv's place. 3+ hours later, I won $1.50. WOW!!

Yesterday went to Feb's birthday party.. Thanks Jemmy for the lift! Anw, Feb was so cute in the Donald Duck costume we made him wear.. Will post photos if I can get my hands on them.

Had Strategy meeting just now.. Not bad, meeting was quite productive. I think we are adequately prepared for any questions that chao kuan group will bomb us with.

Had dinner and then went to watch "Ghost Riders" with the 3 ah peks.. Gosh they were talking about their army days and the old Stephen Chow movies like 食神 and 百变金刚.. quite funny actually. But oh man, Ghost Riders was Horrible with a capital H. Why did Nicolas Cage, the actor in 'The Weather Man', 'Gone in 60 seconds' and my fave 'City of Angels' end up doing such a show??? It's so cheesy, I can't tell if I was laughing or sniggering at the sheer cheesiness of the show.

Aites gonna post a video now!


------ Monday, February 19, 2007

it's funny how your moods can change so much in a short time. and it's not pms.


------ Saturday, February 17, 2007

-happy cny!-

Another year has ended just like that.. It's the lunar new year again! Though this day doesn't have an exactly special meaning to me, it's symbolic nonetheless. I get to -
(a) Receive money willingly from other people
(b) See my cousins whom I only see once a year
(c) Play mahjong till my hands rot
At any rate, it's a legit excuse not to do assignments/have project meetings. Yay!

Anyway.. gotta say a big thank you to Kok Leong for helping me borrow my textbook from the course reserve section.. Muahahaha now I have "Options, Futures and Other Derivatives" for some uhm, light reading over the chinese new year hahaha!


Anyway. Went shopping with Lenny and Jemmy this afternoon after our MPW behavioural study. HAHA it's actually quite interesting shopping with the 2 guys. They eventually got their loot from FCUK (a pair of jeans), Lacoste (a purple polo tshirt) and Zara (a pair of jeans and a tshirt). Each spent about $200 and now they all have new clothes to wear for the new year. Me, I'm so proud of myself. I didn't buy anything! YAY! (But darn I did see nice stuffs)


OK that's it for now.. Might be going out to watch The Protege later.. Happy CNY!


------ Friday, February 16, 2007

-the time traveller-

Pretty switched off this week after MPW quiz finished. Even had plenty of time to shop around Vivo city and pre-spend my ang bao money. Gahhhh I'm spending future money once again. No more shopping for a long time to come! My new mantra is: Every dollar I save now, I can spend it on exchange. Yes I can!

Queued at donut factory with Hui Ying yesterday afternoon and yes, queuing once is more than enough. 2.5 hours later, we left with 4 dozen of donuts. It's pretty good really, esp the double choc donut yums.

Finished "The Time Traveller's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. It's a love story at the core, but is written in a very different way, a refreshing read, and I recommend it. Currently there are 4 names on the borrow list. Which reminds me, I must really keep track of who I lend books to. 30% of my books never made it back to me.

I just started reading Mark Haddon's "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time". Basically it is a murder mystery novel spoken from the viewpoint of a 15-year-old boy with Asperger's Syndrome, who was determined to find the murderer who killed his neighbour's dog. It is written rather uniquely, delving into the mind of an autistic child. In addition to examples of how the kid thinks, the chapters are numbered different from the usual 123456 way. Instead, each chapter number is a prime number. Real interesting read so far.


Anyway. Sueann sent me Tristan Prettyman's songs some days ago. Not bad, I must say. Wonder who else has heard of her though. Apparently, she's engaged to Jason Mraz.


OK I'm going to watch LOST now. It's finally back after the loooong winter break!


------ Tuesday, February 13, 2007

-the girl who-

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my eye won't go away
The radio is playing all the usual
And what's a Wonderwall anyway

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on my left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you
About you
But that's not you

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well

Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday
And whatever's in my eye should go away
But still the radio is playing all the usual
And what's a Wonderwall anway

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on my left side
Cause I'm writing to reach you now but
I might never reach you
Only want to teach you about you
But that's not you

Do you know it's true
But that won't do
And you know it's you
I'm talking to


This is my favourite song from Travis, little-known in Singapore, but great track nonetheless. The guitar riffs are actually ripped off Oasis's "Wonderwall" (on purpose I suppose) but who cares. And the line.. "I'm writing to reach you but I might never reach you.. good stuff.


A lot of thoughts and emotions running through my mind today. Sometimes, I'm so intensely afraid but I'm determined not to let it show on the surface. It's funny how people think I'm capable of this and that, I'm independent and all that, and I guess in a way, that's true. But I am my own harshest critic, and more often than not, I doubt my abilities so much. I'm not independent and I'm not capable of so many things. I think all these years, only 1 person knew me that well enough to be able to attest to that. That person, though, no longer knows me now, but that's another story for another day.

I'm actually quite amazed by what I'm writing here now cos it's kinda direct, different from my usual style but I don't know, it somehow seems correct to speak directly today. So just let me say it all out before I regret and delete whatever I've just written.

I thought I would be able to face you after all this time. After all, it's been over a year right? But I was so wrong, I am so afraid, and all I can do is to retreat and hide, all over again.


Ok I think it's time to stop.



I need to go for a long walk to clear my mind again. maybe tomorrow night.
maybe.


------ Saturday, February 10, 2007

-three's a company-

two's a company, three's a crowd
make that three's a company, six's a crowd.
met jemmy and lenny for an urgent mpw meeting at cathay starbucks just now. in the space of 1 hour, we managed to more or less come up with the necessary stuff that we set out to settle. that includes drinking starbucks coffee. we then split the work, slacked around, had dinner, talked and then headed home.
so much more efficient than the meeting on monday where 6 of us sat around for long periods of time. i do feel intimidated by the presence of so many group members. when it was just jemmy, lenny and me, it was easier to voice our own opinions and concerns, and to get things done.

anyway during dinner at mac's, we had a conversation that went somewhat like this.
me: i wonder by the time when we're working, will we still eat at mac's like this.
L: oh that depends on your paycheck rite. if it's 5 digits, u won't come to macs already.
me: but it's a different atmosphere here. in a restaurant, there's decorum to follow, you can't talk loudly, dress sloppily and all that. i wonder if we'll still eat here.
J: why not?
L: then i think it depends already. u'll come here if your frens wanna come here.

yeah well with ppl like us who like kfc, fast food will always be in for us haha!

and there was also a conversion on whether it'd be worth it to slog your guts out for meagre pay at the big four or if we can possibly pool in capital, get an excellent biz idea and we can all start a business. well i don't foresee that i'll have any capital to speak of thanks to the student loan that i have to pay off upon graduation, they said they will employ me for pittance pay. cos according to jemmy..

J: what's the difference between slogging for meagre pay at EY or for us?


i do have great friends huh.


------

-so long, and thanks for the fish-

that was what brian mcclair wrote in his entertaining entries for the man utd magazine when he finally stopped playing for united. apparently the fish batter at old trafford was pretty good? not too sure.

stepped down on tuesday after 11 months plus of service. it's been a ride i suppose.

 

so long, 3rd exco, and thanks for the access. hahahha!


------ Wednesday, February 07, 2007

-it's over-

我想念去年的冬天 下着雪的那一夜
你给的温柔 寂寞的双手 温暖整个寒冬
失去了曾经的拥有 在你离开以后
带走了笑容 只留下寂寞 忘了幸福是什么

没有你的夜特别的漆黑 只能闭上双眼去感觉
没有我的夜谁在你身边 代替了那个从前

失去了曾经的拥有 在你离开以后
带走了笑容 只留下寂寞 忘了幸福是什么

没有你的夜特别的漆黑 只能闭上双眼去感觉
没有我的夜谁在你身边 代替了那个从前

能不能再听一次你说爱我 回到还在你怀里的时候
能不能让我再一次拥有 曾属于我的温柔
能不能让我再一次拥有 曾属于我的温柔

《再一次拥有》~ 龚诗嘉


first heard this on teck wee's blog and got this song from him too. when i started studying for corp reporting test on sunday, this song got shuffled onto my media player and somehow i just can't stop listening to it. somehow it has got a calm, soothing effect on me.

but i'm not like some others who know how to host a radio blog, else i'll def host 1 too.


------ Sunday, February 04, 2007

-looking at the city from the bottonm of the well-

Singapore just won the asean footballing championships 3-2 on aggregate. The 1-1 leg that just ended in Bangkok was topsy turvy, to say the least. Thailand had lots of chances to kill off the match courtesy of some horrendous defending by the Singapore backline, but they didn't take their chances. Chance after chance came for them with an open Singapore goal at their mercy but they just didn't capitalise on it. Eventually, Singapore scored a late equaliser to win the match on aggregate. Both the Thailand's and Singapore's goals were real good though. Superb finishing, which is hard to come by in this region due to the scrappy nature of most matches. Ole ole Singapore!


I was chatting with Yu Hui on Friday night and I realised that we are very similar on quite a number of aspects. We have similar views and similar personalities and perhaps what we do differ on is our outlook bah. Yu Hui is just a very optimistic person but me... I'm only a closet optimist. And as we all know... closets are full of skeletons and the 100-year-old broom.

After all, I didn't think I'd find another person who likes walking in the rain as much as I do.


------ Friday, February 02, 2007

-state of naturally slack jaw-

it's been some time. and i really am quite tired now, so i'm not exactly in the mood to update about my life or expound on those random thoughts in my mind. not that my life is any interesting anw. it'll probably put everyone to sleep.

i had fun doing patron's day though. well not exactly fun per se, but i didn't not enjoy myself. at any rate, i got to know some new friends ("dear gorgeous people", anybody? hahaha) and i found out that.... YU HUI WAS FROM THE SAME PRIMARY SCHOOL AS ME! like wow! though primary school days weren't exactly the favourite time of my life (i was fat and shy and awkward), it's quite nice to reminisce about certain aspects of primary school life nonetheless. and amazing to have known yu hui for 1 year plus, then find out that we should've known each other earlier. ahhh fate works in strange ways.

anyway, i think this term will eventually turn out OK. sure it's tiring having tests every week but at least that means i'll be forced to keep up with my readings. just persevere and we'll be fine! (this always reminds me of the conversation i had with shireen in year 2 term 2, about when push comes to shove, the resilient will prevail)


anyway today wasn't a very good day for me.. unspeakable strategy test, unfathomable fixed income theories, unthinkable project topics and almost unbearable discussions. it was quite a bad day. i really wanted to just go home and sleep after afii meeting ended.

but as always, i'm real glad i decided to meet bain instead.
when shopping around for gifts, we popped by inQbox at far east, and i saw so many interesting things there, from exquisite-looking musical boxes, to sexy-poker cards and watches that double up as thumb drives.. so innovative! the real kick was seeing this box of mints bearing the 1 word that describes me most - neurotic. and so of cos i had to buy it!

 

the box of mints, when opened up, actually has a mirror!
and of cos, eating streetside ice cream while strolling along orchard road, taking time to stop and look at funny signs i've never noticed before along orchard road.

nice way to end a bad day in my opinion.


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