Sunday, October 31, 2004

went gym (finally!) on thurs.. felt good ahahahahaaa.. had FA mtg late into the night.. damn tiring sia. and everyone was like stepping on each other's nerves.. bahhh.
nua the whole friday at home. shiok shiok. =)
2 mtgs on sat.. we came up with the script for ltb presentation. 3 cheers man.
met kelvina to shop.. was so damn tired i acty fell aslp in southaven when kel was buying a belt. lol. had ice cream at swensons. yum!

n am i dumb or what but i cant do stats hwk.. i keep getting diff ans. sian.

term 2 timetable is out and mine SUX!! goodness.. CT in the 2nd half, n caroline yeoh for BGS! argh. sickening. any hunks out there in BGS grp12? we be in the same project grp k??

BUT BUT. all this is already a fact. gotta accept it la. so meanwhile, bear with me when i whine abt my timetable and grumble abt getting caroline yeoh and bitch abt sucky timetables. pardon me pls.


------ Thursday, October 28, 2004

am talking to edwin shuai.. ahahhh he says zh doesnt look like him. or vice versa. ok fine. but anw. i miss having them around! the jc days. the bunch of us who always hang out together. gb n jz n yv. i miss nicholas too. and hantu! gosh havent seen hantu in like forever man. chan hian yi.. u alive??? and darren n tianhao.. remember we always sit together in physics n econs lecture n do a lot of stupid things? remember?? ahahaa. feels so amused just thinking of it now. n i miss sitting with hy, joyce n lilian in econs lec behind the s23 guys. the eye candy and what-nots. ahahaaa. haiz time really flies. all u ppl out there... HELLO!! =)


hmmm we conquered PL! with a stroke of miracle, jessica liked what we did! now we're only left with a bit of touch up and for her to sign all the various docs tt's all.. den we can do our final presentation n portfolio in peace! 3 cheers =)


------ Monday, October 25, 2004

MAN UTD 2 - 0 Arsenal

woohoooo! great match to watch. so great that i eventually gave up trying to do my comms written assignment ahahaahaa.. rooooooneyyy the saviour. the prodigy. the genius. the winner. wayne rooney! ahahaaa. he sure is arsneal's curse. n van nistelrooy scored that damn penalty. oh yeah. its always a grand affair when arsenal, liverpool n man city come to play!

p.s. edwinnnnn.. rooney rox. n van nistelrooy too. no sneak eh. ahahaaahaaa.


------ Sunday, October 24, 2004

blog blog bloggg.. so many things have happened..
FA grp presentation is over *whew*.. now to the term project! n i actually passed my quiz 2. now that is a surprise. barely scraped through but nonetheless, its a pass. whew.
had BE on thurs, which was super duper funny. i wanna join programming! then i can get to choose the playlist for campus radio! ahahaaa.. i'll flood them with alternative, rock n r&b! no such things as what boybands gahhh. then the next session was conducted by LN and jonny. damn fuuny ahahaaaa.. jonny's so cute. LN's so cute too. the 2 of them have wonderful facial expressions..
went down to pathlight on fri to start on the room. not that bad. lw reckoned that we finished abt 60-70% of it le. happy.

went for svap closing ceremony on sat. saw alvin(a).. which reminds me.. i still havent passed gary chan's vcd to vanessa! ahaahaa.. owe gary chan for 1 yr liao eh.. then went to anna's house..
happy birthday Anna!!!
the food was great ahahaaa.. n we played drinking games as usual.. oh yeah i acty saw priscilla n xintian there. small world small world. gal u're getting old ahahaaa... but 20 is a gd age to be la =)

went back to smooo today.. FA meeting at 9am (!!) and comms mtg at 1.30pm.. did some filming for comms project which was fun. got a little irritated with someone for her constant complaining. but hmmm just have to get over it la.


and oh yeah, gotta say this:
i bought Jay's concert tix!!!
so excited!! 26 november.. mark this day. =)


------ Tuesday, October 19, 2004

these few days.. meetings until i pengz. had FA meeting on sun, mon n tues. yes sunday. n there's gonna be FA meeting this coming sunday too. aint it dandy? erm yeah. getting back FA results tmr. damn. (xr, hope u're not too down.. u'll be fine la.)
bought some stuff frm ikea today. yips =)
argh im not in the right frame to blog la. i got things to say but cant be bothered to type. so tired.
other times.

bain> really miss u LOTS. just LOTS.
kelvina too!
lots of times i really wish u 2 are here with me.. together with hongyi also. guess we cant have the best of both worlds huh =(


------ Sunday, October 17, 2004

yesterday's FA test was a total disaster. my goodness, there's simply no other word for it. its a sure thing that i'm going to fail it. i just hope its really not going to be a single digit score. bahhh. stats was alrite thou.

just finished FA meeting, now in macs (!!) waiting for SVC meeting to start. i'm tiredddd.

i just simply look forward to the time when all the things in yesterday's list can be struck off.


------ Friday, October 15, 2004

things to do to get me through till next weekend:

1) finish studying stats and FA - tests on sat!
2) FA week 10 presentation qns - to be emailed to xiangrun by sunday 17 oct 9am
3) FA meeting on sun 17 oct 1pm and monday 18 oct 8pm
4) driving on tues 10.30am
5) LTB on tuesday - gotta finalise concept and hopefully START carrying it out
6) read my book on gerry harvey for comms mtg on wed
7) prepare for grammar quiz on thurs - time to pull up my comms grade!
8) read up and research on FA for term project!
9) hopefully that's it.

what a bombastically busy week ahead. til then~


------ Thursday, October 14, 2004

i think im running a temperature. feels hot all over. oh no not this time pls. not when i have 2 papers on sat.

just downed a huge cup of barley water. hope that will help.


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honestly sometimes i cant stand myself. grrr.
i seem to have lost my time management skills. i cant seem to juggle my time properly. and all of a sudden, everything seem to come in one whole huge flood. couple that with my bad planning of time and what do u get? a superly inefficient me. n dont tell me that sounds oxymoronic. i am the ultimate oxymoron anw.

and i find that i am lacking more and more in commitment. notably commitment to studies, ccas and projects. that's the problem with me - i cant seem to commit properly now. what's wrong? and i think it may have carried over into the other parts of my life. i dunoe. noticed some stuff, dunoe if others noticed it too. i find that it happens to and with me so many times i kinda lost count. why does that happen? why is it like that? maybe that's the reason i'm still single right now? hmmmm.

commitment; managing time properly.. i need to pick myself up, straighten my life and figure out what is my next step. i gotta know. i gotta plan.

haiz sometimes i think someone should slap me to wake me up. sometimes even i cant stand myself. yes i know we must love ourselves for others to love us but.. i dunoe. i love myself. but just not enough i guess.

if u ask me if i could turn back time and change the way i did something, will i? i think i am the one who will reply "yes" lots of times.


------ Wednesday, October 13, 2004

aurobindo's a bore. conclusion. time crawls in stats class. even FA didnt seem that bad. and i nv thought i'd make that conclusion.

anw. spent my 5.5 hrs break in a zoo. haha. a zoo with huiying, rulin, yenshan, shaun n a super noisy n crappy changqi. i seriously didnt know cq is so full of shit. ahahahaa. n he's like quite zai in FA lor. and he's the cause of us not utilising the 5.5 hrs to study! stupid fella tried to sell me r***r's photos at 50cents a piece n $1 a piece for the topless ones. ahahaaaha. damn crap.

played with hy's new camera phone.. took lotsa pics! i want a digicam!!







yes yes i can be pretty zi lian.. so tell me abt it ;p


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Fear is a complete waste of emotion

Fear is nothing but an Illusion. It is imagined, as a dream is. But at least we wake up from a dream. Most people fall into Fear and remain frozen in its giant grasp all their lives! They either live in a constant state of paralyzing Fear or they have lowered their expectations to a level that they never feel Fear because they have "learned" not to risk and grow. How sad!

Fear is the mind's great mortal sin.

And isn't it just at times when you have to risk something, that you Fear? Think about it! You've had a great idea but you don't tell a soul because you're afraid THEY won't think it's great. How many opportunities have you allowed to slip by because you were frozen by Fear? Do you know more about the things you Fear than the things you desire?
Is the Fear of failure your biggest Fear of all?

Recognizing Fear!

Not a single person has ever accomplished anything of significance without first feeling scared to death!
You recognize your own tell tale signs of Fear. It might be a knot in your gut. Or it might be a high state of anxiety. A flood of negative thoughts rush in and all the reasons NOT to do something hover over you like an ominous black cloud! The truth is, behind that cloud lay bright beautiful sunlight ready to nourish and grow your idea.

Fear is a loaded gun squarely aimed to slay you and all your potential. You need to be on-guard every waking moment to deflect the invisible bullet.

"Fear is the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind."
H. P. Lovecraft

Fear is the cancer of the human spirit.

Confronting Fear!

Fear is the imaginary mountain that hides the horizon.

The moment you feel Fear - face it - and eject it - instantly! Every time you feel the invisible foe injecting it's venom into your thoughts - STOP!! And YOU re-take control of your thinking process. Outta here! Fear is false, and evil! What you imagine will never come to pass. That's ALWAYS the reality so why even think those thoughts?

Learn and practice this, for when has what you Feared ever become your reality?

Fear is the greatest inhibitor to the progress of mankind.

Conquering Fear!

You and I will always feel Fear. The key is to not feel it for long. Split seconds of time actually. It's a matter of twisting the irrational emotion into a usable force for the betterment of our own lives.

Make Fear your Motivator! Begin to recognize that the dark feeling of Fear is in almost all cases a prelude to a brighter future.

Look at it this way; if you DON'T feel Fear over a particular situation, then it's not significant enough to warrant your consideration. That's how powerful an indicator Fear is! And that's all Fear should ever be!

USE Fear instead of allowing it to use YOU.
Let Fear Fortify, not cripple you!

"He without Fear is king of the world."
E. E. Edison

Be Fearless, and Flourish!




------ Monday, October 11, 2004

been friendster-surfing instead of studying *guilty* heh...
and ohmy.. the one i saw that nite was really him. piangz. its somewhat amusing, now to think of it. my rxn was quite big if i never remember wrongly. ahahaaa.
and a brighter note.. saw both kevin's new photos.. must say they are looking gooood! eh a lot of ppl with the "photos not yet available" thingy. oh man, i'm self entertaining! betta get back to studying le~


------ Sunday, October 10, 2004

term break is gonna be over just like that. ayeeeeee.

in smu, competition is so keen i feel stressed out so often. and i dont how what i'm doing. all the projects, the assignments.. they are getting to me real bad. where in the past i feel stressed out during exams, i feel that way so frequently now it scares me. and for once, i feel like i'm really losing it. every month, there's at least one time i feel like i will just break down completely. it surfaced once at geekout n i know it stinks real bad so now i dont let it surface publicly again.
i need a retreat. no meetings at all. haha ya like that will ever happen.

its back to qm.. posterior probabilities, decision trees, equal likelihood, expected opportunity loss, hurwicz criterion.. sheesh.

and oh yeah, pls dont think otherwise if u ask me if i'm fine and i whine abt the surface things to u or just tell u that i'm fine and refuse to elaborate. its not that i'm trying to brush u off or whatever. its just that i dont trust people easily. i dont find it easy to tell others my deepest thoughts. its a space i dont want intruded or interrupted. i just want u to know that that doesnt mean i dont treat u as a friend or put u in my heart. u know, its just me. sorry abt that.


------ Saturday, October 09, 2004

i have been in school everyday. every single damn day. and i cant take it. had ltb on wed, thurs n fri. i kinda anticipated n expected it but this is worse than what i have prepared for. so much so that i actually feel very unproductive n inefficient during all the meetings. n i dislike myself for that. it makes me feel like i am not a good team member.

went zouk on wed. had an accident before that to top it off. felt guilty man. argh. saw lots of smu people. just lots. i think i'm losing it. i dont wanna dance no more. just pump the drinks and let me rot by myself. just get wasted la. 也许颓废也是另一种美.. well i can just imagine it anw. so why not.

went down to pathlight on thurs mon. den back to smoo in the aftnn. be was alright. was nice hanging out with them.. den went to meet kel in the evening. super tired by the end of the day, considering i only slept abt 3 hrs for the whole day. newayz, watched wimbledon with kel. such a warm show though its so cliche. ahh i feel inspired to play tennis again. haha.


------ Tuesday, October 05, 2004

went for the brewerkx thingy yday. why do ppl think that i am drunk when i'm NOT? bahhh its really sian. its just 2 glasses odd of beer, i'm not that lousy can. bahhh. anw i had fun thou =)

had a last min comms meeting this morning. we're doing on gerry harvey ahahaaa. i find it rather amusing. a pity we couldnt do on mars vs hersheys thou. would have been interesting! and hmmm shaun n pearlyn.. rememberrrrr our ahem, lunch meeting at the sushi buffet place!!
went for my driving lesson aft that and then went to meet my og ppl.. long time nv meet up man.. my timetable clash with the rest of them.. so sad rite. anw. we went to sing ktv. damn shiok ah. and poor ashwin ended up singing some funny english songs while the rest of us were screaming away in chinese ahahaaa.. had dinner with shihui, jennifer, qilin n david. we talk a lot haha. didnt realise its very nice talking to them too.

haiz tmr ltb meeting. have to start on the 'a leader i have known'. gahhh.


------ Monday, October 04, 2004

hrmph in school early in the morning during my TERM BREAK. whoopadodadoooo..

thought of something that was once said.. 做人最高的境界就是拿得起，放得下.. suddenly i find it so meaningful again. sia la..


i really should. count my blessings. just that sometimes it is so bloody hard to do that. i tend to focus so much on my shit that i forget to stop and smell the roses.

saw this somewhere. heh aint it true..

everyone is late. bahhh.
i dont have a good feeling about today.. it didnt get off to a good start anw.
bahhh.

nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
I'm going back to the start




------ Sunday, October 03, 2004

talked to kian on fri and kel on sat.. with kel, its more of us and uhm.. guys. ahahh. told her some stuff that i realised i never really told anyone before.. well bcos she asked some questions that really made me think. heh quite some ppl were involved in our conversation. kian said that from his observations, i'm someone who is fun loving and energetic but shy to an extent. he also said i probably grew up in a pampered environment. and i agree wholeheartedly. and so what if i lead a sheltered life? it allowed me to grow up at my own pace and learn from my mistakes without too big a repercussion.

i realised that i grew up quite a fair bit from june till now. my thinking then is different from now. all of a sudden, i think i understand myself much better. i never did quite understand myself but now thinking back.. i realised i am more clear of what i want. in terms on mentally and emotionally i guess.


anw.. man utd tonite! cant wait... and chelsea v liverpool. hope they draw.
mind's a blank. really hope this term break is a good one. i need my rest!


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academic wise..
got back the result of my individual speech on thurs. i got an A- for that! =) man, am i surprised or what.. esp after what the TA said abt my content lacking in substance. prof commented that i spoke with passion and captured the audience's attention. ahahhh. so i thank my lucky stars =)
had qm midterms on fri.. actually it wasn't that bad.. some doubts here and there but on the whole, alrite la. i'm crossing my fingers for this one. dont wanna curse myself by saying anything wrong. haha. i dont like to place high expectations on myself.

went shopping on fri and sat!! oh yeah!
shopped with huiying aft qm on fri. it was super impromptu. cos we were supposed to go to the library at orchard BUT.. temptation strikes ahahaaa.. bought a bag! like finally... saw a denim skirt that i absolutely like a lot but i didnt buy it.. and we DID go to the library.. managed to borrow "The Brethren" by John Grisham and "Pop Goes The Weasel" by James Patterson. yay got new books to read to entertain myself =)

met kelvina on sat.. man i love shopping with her. and i went back to far east to get that denim skirt. and i got another skirt at far east. and a top at mango. and we were so tempted by a jacket and a charm bracelet at topshop! and looking for our wedges.. argh there are so many things to buy! we may be going on tuesday again.. so pls pls no project meetings on tues evening!


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