Monday, October 31, 2005

in responses to the tags - thanks alot, anna dear and my darling alwiz.
shireen - i knew it! ahahh!
the creep from under the bed - waddya talking about? which picture man? i want to see it for myself!


bain's tag reminded me of sth edwin and i were talking about some time ago. the issue about opening up to people. it's just that alot of times, i feel this huge contradiction.
when i do open up and talk about myself, i feel as if i'm saying so much about myself that it seems a tad self centred. like, why in the world will other people want to listen to my shit? so i tend not to say a lot.
but when i dont talk and "clam up" as i always do... there's the comment that i don't talk alot and that i don't share. wellllll. that's why i always seem to be crapping, talking cock and never serious i guess.
i think my twin will know what i'm trying to say.
i'm dead serious sometimes, just that i'm not showing it. sometimes i attempt to masquerade the serious stuff with the crap i say. but it doesnt really command much attention cos it's simply assumed as my usual load of crap. really, i think i've become quite a master at cryptic talking.
guess i'll just let things be for awhile. sometimes, negativity just goes away after a while.


stuff to remind myself of
that aside, it's week 11 alr. exciting week, considering i have 4 projects due next week. twc case presentation, cat ppt, income tax and ais report. a huge chunk of my grades will be determined over week 12 and 13:
W12:
twc case presentation - 5%
cat ppt - 10% (though presentation is actually week 13)
income tax - 10%
ais report - 40% of 25% = 10%
W13:
twc biz plan - 20% *gasps
cat report - 15% (plus presentation)
ais presentation - 40% of 25% = 10%
finance - 15%
*faints


=godspeed=


------ Sunday, October 30, 2005

(nearly) 20 years on and what have i gained?

.
.
.
.
.

nothing but a sour attitude and a tired mind to boot.


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no respite

this week is what i'd call a dog paddling in water week. looks calm on the surface, but struggling furiously beneath.


monday to wednesday went seemingly smooth enough i must say.. seemingly cos actually it's just because i chose to take the "easier" way out, which is to walk away alone, which wasnt bad at all actually. in fact, that was probably the only way i know how to not make myself sit through some form of torture.
thursday was fine, in fact it was a good day for projects, as we made progress for cat and all but (almost) finished income tax project in ONE meeting. yes, that was our first and last meeting. i'm really amazed by our efficiency.
friday is a disaster. it was low in morale and spirit. gahhh!


u know sometimes when there's a period of calmness that follows after storm, u think that all is fine again? well, sometimes i think that it is not fine at all.
just when u are beginning to think that the nightmare is over, it springs right back up to u, gives u a smirk in your face and a kick in the ass and says, "guess what? I'M BACK!! tada!!"
sometimes, it's as though there's no respite from nightmares. they just transit from one into another. perhaps the bright side of it all is that at least they are all new nightmares. not recurring ones. i hate recurring nightmares.


i'm not even asking for fairytales and dreamlands. all i hoped was for things to be normal. for the tide to ease, for the emotions to fade and for the confidence to return. is that so difficult? is returning to the old me so fucking difficult?
physically tired, mentally challenged, emotionally drained, socially inept, psychologically lost.. what can i do to make them go away? sometimes i feel like giving up but giving up is really something against my own beliefs. so what should i do now? i'm really lost and i really dont where to go and what to do from here on.
the only comforting thought about this week is that at least i earned abt $125 this week. goes towards my travelling.


someone end this please.


------ Monday, October 24, 2005

and this went thru my mind these days:
maybe the only true way to (for lack of better words) "get over something" is to face it head on and not avoid it! haha!
i know alot of ppl will go "D'UH!"
BUT. for me, the master escapist, it is really quite something to finally realise it. although it makes me wonder whether i will put what i learnt into use the next time something like that happens again (of which i'v crossing my fingers, my toes and all my hair ends as well, hoping not). ohwell. i guess everything is a learning experience and a time to grow.


and this is to address something some people said to me some time ago. i'm abit sorry that i didnt adress this sooner for i chose to ignore it, in the hope that time will kill it. well, time has indeed killed it partially and for that, i think i'm rather thankful to time, for once.
some people have asked what is wrong with me, why i sound so down, that they worry for me and stuff like that.. to you, you and you who know who u all are, thanks for all your concern. yes i have an inbuilt mechanism for self-healing and i am not one to pour my emotions and feelings out but knowing that u all care is really nice. in fact, i think it is partly what makes my inbuilt mechanism work, the knowing that my mechanism is propped up by ur concern.


so..
to my twin, thanks for never failing to make me laugh.
to my darlings bain and kelvina, thanks for meeting up that friday night, the one where we went chinatown for supper. u might not know it but i was down that day and seeing u 2 just make me smile again.
to ln and ray my buddies.. always there for a drink or a talk.
to everyone else who has shown concern in some way or another - anna, edmund, hui ying, yvonne, changqi, jeremy, jem, shireen, mel hon, gayle, and everyone else, thanks.


jiahui is fine and dandy now. not yet the "happy and shiny" category but.. i'm working towards it! bring it on, i say!!


------ Sunday, October 23, 2005

went for anna's 21st on sat.. happy 21st, anna darling! it was pretty nice party, get to chat with some people and her cake was fantastic. nice! anna... 21 already okays. time to be serious and do stuff that adults do! leave the teenage stuff to me who's still a teenager! haha! but really, dearie, i was glad to be there and i am glad for you, who's got alot of things going right for u now! =)


managed to catch "flight plan" over the weekend too.. not bad a show, despite being just a little bit draggy in the middle. but it's certainly watchable and it got me wanting to know how it ends. not bad.


------ Friday, October 21, 2005

just came back from el salsa, where i had an awesome time dancing the night away! woohooo!


had our first finance meeting today and i must admit that having charly in our group is not bad.. he's really pretty nice and a good eye candy to boot. plus i can get french lessons again! heh heh.. i can still remember how to say 1 to 10 in french!
went to meet leong for cat proj, a meeting which i had somewhat dreaded. but it turned out to be rather enjoyable. we ended up chatting with leong for nearly 2 hours! he's really nice to talk to, after the serious stuff are discussed. he's a nice prof, just that the papers he set are crrrraaaaazy.


anw, back to el salsa.. initially it was abit sian half cos there are simply not enough guys and it's abit weird dancing with people who dont know anything abt salsa at all. but it got better as the nite progresses.. darn fun!
and i can tell u salsa is addictive sia. last time, i used to wonder how come the salsa dancers can just do the same steps over and over and over. what's so interesting abt it? until i start learning. it gets really addictive, esp after u know the basic moves.
so kudos to my interchangable dance partners for the night, jonny and jem. it's been great fun dancing with u 2. esp jonny!



okok reality check. back to reading twc.
*ouch


------ Wednesday, October 19, 2005

actually i have nothing much to say also but my fingers just brought me here. hahaa. no don worry, im not about to do a "wednesday in the life of". maybe some more random musings.


1) HELP NEEDED!! i need business ideas for my tech & world change class. an invention that will make life convenient or benefit people or the society. if anyone has any ideas (crazy is the best), pls tag/msn/call me! thanks!


2) how split can a person get???


3) and i saw this somewhere: if we try to expect the unexpected, does that make the unexpected expected?


going for salsa class soon.. then will be back to mug/whatever then going down to timbere to catch jason performing tonight and... eic! awesome!


------ Monday, October 17, 2005

sometimes, all i wanna say is... fuck it.


but i know i cant. so all i can do is to continue to suck thumb and forge ahead.



my thumb feels blardy sore.


------ Sunday, October 16, 2005

random musings


1) when can i finally get to cut my hair??
i have been wanting to get it cut and re-colored since about 2 months ago. everytime i want to cut it, something has to come n interrupt with it. wth!!


2) how have i managed to sustain through the first half of this term? i sleep about 5 hours on average daily during the weekdays and i have 3 consecutive 8.30am class in a week. the 8.30am classes are 1)notoriously boring (ais), 2)incredibly taxing (income tax, pun intended) or 3) strenuous (cat). i survive on 1 cup of coffee at 7.30am and the occasional food when i get too hungry. plus i fall asleep really easily in class ever since my vj days. how in the world did i manage to stay awake in every class this term?? i havent slept in class at all! HOW DID I DO THAT?


3) why do some people use a tone bordering on condescending when talking to others? are they doing that to make themselves feel good or is it that it's just the way they are and i'm thinking too deep again? really, i don need you to tell me what is good. i don need u to insist that man utd sucks and that i should support real madrid. i don need u to tell me that waching bleach is lame so i should stop watching it and that i should watch trinity-something-or-another. u know why i don like to talk to u? i dont like the way u try n impose ur views on me. i know u probably are not but this is exactly the feeling u are giving me.
and because i'm so non-confrontational (call is cowardly, wuss, whatever), i'm probably not going to tell it to ur face.


4) why do some people just not get it? read the blardy mf (and not to mention obvious) signs, will u?


5) why do some people like to type oh-so-cutesily? like those inputting some japanese greeting words or exclaiming some cutesy word and using cutesy emoticons like ^_^ now what in the world is that face supposed to mean?? is that constipated or happy?? the first time i saw that face, i tot the person was feeling constipated or having cramps or sth along that line. also, adding in "wor" is duper irritating also. kawaii wor. u think u're still 13 or sth?? actually those words are fine.. just that too much of them is an overkill!


6) why are u so critical of the things i like? i am defensive when it comes to them, yes. but why are u so critical of them when u like them too? but it's good thou, it makes for conversation topics and entertainment and it's really nothing serious. the thing is - why, when we are critical of something, do we not realise how critical we are??


7) since when have i become so anti social? i barely chat online now, preferring to stay silent or to sign out of msn altogether. i feel so withdrawn from so many things and so many people now. this is definitely not good. and i have no idea why this is happening. why am i retreating back into that shell again? someone draw me out of my shell pls!


8) why, after so many lessons learnt on procrastination and doing things last min, do i still procrastinate and leave things till the last minute? i have been lucky in the sense that i managed to hug buddha's legs pretty tightly and he did not flick his legs and leave me flailing helplessly. when will i finally change??


9) why have i become so short tempered with my family members? have i taken them for granted?? i think i have. i shall buy chocs and ice cream (mum's fave brand, no less) to stock up the fridge, try to do more stuff around the house and spend more family time.


10) when, oh when, will things change?????????




sigh term's reopening n i'm stuck doing last min ais question AGAIN. in the words of charly, "why do they call it a recess week here when they put papers in the week?". well said, i say!
alright.. it's back to reality and back to ais.
maybe hopefully, someday i will find the answers to some of my musings.


------

spent my saturday nuaing at home heh heh!!
spent my time finishing watching the accumulated episodes of bleach on my bro's lappie. very nice!!
then charly msned me out of the blue yday afternoon n we chatted for a while. he was telling me abt his vietnam trip during the midterm break. so shiok! all the stuff they tried. he tried eating snake's heart (king cobra, no less!) soaked in vodka.. eeeeks!!



this is grotte halong. i think the cave looks awesome!



that's the king cobra. eeeeeeeeeks.



ok that was rather bo liao. cat meeting again now. more later!


------ Tuesday, October 11, 2005

i think my alcohol tolerance level is getting lower. funny, considering i've been drinking every other week (and not to mention it's always heineken. darn! no wonder i'm strangely attracted to that "heineken - see you there" advertising campaign. brand loyalty?!). just came back from carnaval watching 7 till dawn perform.. same songs, but they are as good as ever. not much of a crowd - just the usual suspects but it's a good way to relax before the income tax test tmr.
had about half a pint and i'm feeling slightly light headed alr. oh well, maybe it's because i've only slept less than 6 hours last nite, thanks to a nightmare i had.
what a lousy sleep. and what a lousy dream. i dreamt that i was alone bathing in a hotel room (much like when we were in bangkok). but this time, the hotel room was haunted. gahhhh.


somehow, i'm feeling quietly confident of tmr's test. we've pretty much covered alot of stuff. but one can never be too sure eh.


i'm hoping that the beer i drink today helps to get me a nice seamless dreamless sleep. i dont need any more distractions now.


------ Monday, October 10, 2005

reflections


alot of times, i find myself thinking about alot of things subconsciously. like, when i'm randomly surfing, or when i'm watching tv, or when my mind loses concentration while studying, or even when i'm brushing my teeth, random things just run through my mind.
and most of the time, they revolve around what i did at certain points in my life. and alot of times, i wonder why i dont notice them earlier.
and yes, i think when it comes to certain things, my intuition is really accurate. once, it was so accurate it felt freaky. thinking back, it's like, how in the world did i manage to guess that then??


and sometimes, i think that i'm the dumberest and thickest person i've ever known.


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cant believe i wasted four nites just like this - without studying! argh! horrors!


got my new phone on sat! ahahhaa! i love my new phone now... it's beautiful and its functionalities are like, 2000 times better than my old one. no more retarded spacebar button! no more soft ringtones! no more english-only smses! no more corroded n scratched cover! heh..... ask me to take a photo of u when i see u.. so that i can use it with my caller id! shucks i sound quite suaku rite. ahahhaaaa!


went sentosa on sunday on the pretext of doing cat project. love it man.. managed to get a slight tan, laze around on the beach and play some frisbee in between. going sentosa again next sat! release all that stress and get a new tan for the 2nd half of the term!



"busy" seems to be my preferred mode on msn now. even when i'm not always busy but still... i put busy sometimes. last nite, when discussing with jem and shireen abt when to meet for twc meeting, i made a horrendous realisation:


Projects Due:
1) AIS - due Friday 11 Nov 4pm

2) Income Tax - due Friday 11 Nov for 10% bonus. else, Friday 18 Nov

3) CAT - project presentation due Wed 9 Nov. report due Wed 16 Nov

4) TWC - Case Presentation due Wed 9 Nov. Biz Plan presentation due Wed 16 Nov

5) Finance - due Friday 18 Nov


.
.
.
.
#@$&#*&$#*^%#$@#*$#*!!!!!!!
FOUR projects due on week 12!! 2 of them are 30%, 1's 25% and the other is 10% (thankfully).
#@$&@*#$%*^(#@$$#$*(@#*$&@!!!!!



and 8 nov is my freaking birthday!!!




c'mon... there has to be an easier way to kill me!!


------ Friday, October 07, 2005

sometimes, when i read my frens' blogs, i cant help but think how complicated things can become. and really, i thank the powers that be that my life is simple. though boring at times, but at my level of intelligence and emotion-handling capabilities, i'm sure glad my life is relatively easy to handle :)


after so many things, actually i realise: i have a strong sixth sense and it ultimately proves to be true rather often. maybe it's time i try to trust my sixth sense more.


cat project meeting now. more later.


------ Monday, October 03, 2005

a monday in the life of


and so this is how a typical monday goes for jiahui.


7.05am: wake up
7.05-7.25am: wash up (yes i take a long time to brush my teeth and wash my face but SO?)
7.25-7.30am: down a cup of coffee
7.30-7.31am: turn on the radio
7.31-7.55am: pack my stuff, dress up (or down) and get ready to leave the house
7.55-8.05am: walk to the bus stop (yes it is that far in the morning)
8.06am: bus comes (usually 147A)
8.06-8.30am: travel to school and reach class
8.30-11.45am: class
11.45am-1pm: lunch and buffer for lunch
1.05pm: ponder where i should study
1.06pm: made my choice


in today's case, i elected to go home and do my twc stuff.


what a mundane post. maybe next time when i'm doing mundane stuff like halfway through writing another twc paper review, i will do "a tuesday in the life of". which actually, is the same as "a monday in the life of". ok so i'll do "a wednesday in the life of" instead next time.


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the weekend


hung around the lounge after my finance class after friday, supposedly studying income tax but end up kp-ing for smu runabout with jasmine and eliz. asoc1 came in first for the inter-school competition! thanks to mitch who ran the first leg i think. jas and eliz think that he's cute! haha!
then met kel for a spot of shopping before meeting bain for dinner. blew away abt $80 man.... *ouch. but no denying that retail therapy is still one of the best forms of therapy around.
i just love meeting up with them. agree with bain that it's a yin and yang thing. some things are easier to say to girls than to guys. love ya darlings. u 2 never fail to make me feel better. [i'm still thinking about the brownie with ice cream that we didn't eat thou]


met (supposedly) the fab 5 for dinner/supper at 85 on sat but anna couldnt make it last minute. maybe i should change it to.. met the band of bros for dinner instead. like meeting the gang.. no stress, no pretense, no image if you dont want to. just drink your beer, scrape your stingray, slurp your noodles and pick your bones clean. that's wat the bros are for haha. and we ate ALOT. like bak chor mee, 2 chicken wings each, they had oyster omelette and then TWO stingrays. and the guys had their fill of beer (just 1 mug for me k). watched soccer, talk soccer, talk abt anything, nothing, something, suan each other, stuff ourselves silly, laugh at each other. this is da life i need before hell unleashes in the form of midterm papers.
and man utd won 3-2!


all in all, a very very nice weekend indeed. friday with my darlings, sat with the gang, sunday with ais. awesome. more to come.


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