Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Maybe, deep down, i am we all are i am just afraid.
of telling. of listening. of asking. of knowing. of committing. of relating. of going. of staying. of everything. yet of nothing.
of you
what is being afraid anyway? and why are we am i are we afraid?
just what is so scary about it?
beats me too.


------ Monday, November 28, 2005

affairs of the hard


now, what are affairs of the hard? ooh they certainly can mean alot of things.
1) in the most relevant context now, the dreaded exams. here, hard = difficult. hard to study! hard to start! hard to concentrate! hard to focus!


2) one that baffles alot of people - interpersonal relationships. hard to fathom! hard to guess! hard to know!


3) siblings - hard to fathom also!


4) and the affairs of the heart. thou it doesnt really bother me now but is this gonna be a topsy turvy season again? alot of people i know seem to be unsure. hmmmm. HMMMMM. maybe they should try exorcising their demons too.


studied in the library with charles and jing en today and i must say that the thought that charles is leaving soon is really beginning to set in. gahhhh partings are sad.
BUT... nmind.. hopefully i'll get to go france instead! exchange here i come (hopefully)!!


ok i think i might really be dead this time... i've sooooo much readings left to do! horrible feeling!
aites i'm off... tireddd.


and yeah, man utd won 2-1 against west ham yesterday. a fitting tribute to george best. though i've never seen him play but i've definitely heard a lot.. a united legend indeed.


------ Sunday, November 27, 2005

have you seen the nike advertisement featuring ronaldinho in their latest white-and-gold boots? the one where ronaldinho wears the boots, juggles the ball and volleys it against the crossbar 4 times consecutively.. no? see it here. choose any english language site and it should pop up. it's unbelievable! to the extent that people have been debating whether it's for real or maya technology has been used. personally, i think it's not real.. it's impossible to do volleys that accurate! yes he's ronaldinho but still...
there are alot of articles debating the authencity of the volleys and all have concluded that it's doctored. haha!


anyway's found some pretty interesting reads..
the curious 1
timmortal
they are different reads.. not the usual bitching, or oh-my-live-is-oh-so-perfect-in-sunny-singapore. i dont know how real the stuff written are but nonetheless, it makes good reads..
and if u havent already known, i'm a loyal reader of postsecret.
and for pure entertainment, complete with singlish and hokkien vulgarities sometimes, there's talk rock and cheeky by nature. and the occasional, occasional doses of finicky feline, mr brown, lancerlord and cowboy caleb. and of cos friends' blogs.
haha now u know where all time went to.


but no, i do not read xiaxue and xialanxue and neither do i read dawn yang/yeo. they just don't interest me all that much.


------ Saturday, November 26, 2005

sometimes the thing about paying my dues still sticks around in my mind. and i think like, maybe i havent exorcised my demons, so to speak. hahaha. maybe one day i should really put it down in words. maybe. right now, i cant even think of how to begin. so that's definitely another story for another day.


allow me to talk about jay chou's new album - 十一月的萧邦 (November Chopin). haha i think it's really swell that jay released his new album in november when everyone's sooo stressed. wonderful. i think this album is better than his previous 七里香.. his first single, 夜曲, is really nice in addictive in an odd way. very jay. it speaks of a love lost (seems to me because of death). other commendable efforts include 枫, his 2 initial d songs 一路向北 and 飘移, and a collaboration with lara (of 南拳妈妈) called 珊瑚海. however, i want to recommend this song called 发如雪. it sounds good but it didn't really leave a big impression on me when i first heard it. but after i saw the mtv for that song... man! i like that mtv. it has a storyline (as with most good mtvs) and the storyline's unique. the storyline really relates to the lyrics of the song. it's after i watched the mtv that the lyrics of the song really hit me. it speaks of a love from a couple of thousand years back, bringing them together but yet cruelly separating them.. and because of the strong attractions between them, it happens again after generations but still, they couldn't be together. ok i admit i can't translate well.. maybe the lyrics will speak for themselves.
*thanks to terence who sent me the mtv!


《发如雪》- 周杰伦
狼牙月 伊人憔悴
我举杯 饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜 惹尘埃是非
缘字诀 几番轮回
你锁眉 哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰 我爱不灭
繁华如散千东流水
我只取一瓢爱了解
只恋你化生的蝶
你发如雪 凄美了离别
我焚香感动了谁
邀明月 让回忆皎洁
爱在月光下完美
你发如雪 纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉 微醺的岁月
我用无悔 刻永世爱你的碑
你发如雪 凄美了离别
我焚香感动了谁
邀明月 让回忆皎洁
爱在月光下完美
你发如雪 纷飞了眼泪
我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉 微醺的岁月
啦儿啦 啦儿啦 啦儿啦儿啦
啦儿啦 啦儿啦 啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪 扎马尾
你若撒野 今生我把酒奉陪
啦儿啦 啦儿啦 啦儿啦儿啦
啦儿啦 啦儿啦 啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪 扎马尾
你若撒野 今生我把酒奉陪


an english translation can be found here.
okok distraction over. off for some lunch and then back to studying!


------ Friday, November 25, 2005

argh slow progress!!
i'm addicted to solving sudoku everyday! and on this note - am i dumb or what?! i can't get pass medium! booooo!!


yday shir and i decided to approach terence fan for a possible wct review. hah. hope it helps us.

ok today's aim: finish the darn twc txt by melissa a. schillings!


darn i really need to focus more.


------ Thursday, November 24, 2005

the following occured to me when i was taking a toilet break from studying just now:


i was wondering how can some people shift to new targets so easily and quickly. don't they usually claim to have to follow the half the length rule?


then i realised.. i shift my targets pretty quickly too.
and then it hit me - darn maybe i, too, haven't paid my dues.


------ Wednesday, November 23, 2005

my laptop is back!


one word: YAAAAYYYYY!!


resilience, jiahui, resilience!
and focus!!


------

death of a laptop


it's official - my lappie died on me :(
it just wouldn't start! sent it to CIT and the guy didnt wanna open the back cover because of some crack. so he asked me to take it to IBM service centre to get it replaced cos stuff like that are not under warranty. and well, IBM service centre is at......... EXPO. darn! so i went down to expo where this very nice lady told me that replacement costs $270! and upon seeing my pitiful face, she said she would try to open up my back cover.. and it didnt fall apart bcos of the crack! so save the money! so i went all the way back to CIT at SMU to get the lappie fixed for possible hardware or software problems.. and i think the IBM technician at CIT saw how wretched and pitiful i looked so he promised to get it fixed by tmr.. hopefully it's just the motherboard problem and not hard disk crash... i havent backed up alot of stuff! (who would have thought my lappy will die at this time rite?!)


ok i think the above might not make sense to alot of ppl.. nmind. i know then can already haha.


so now i'm left with my home desktop to use..


and i'm really making a hopeful plea - ANYONE TAKING MARKETING G6??? what a headache! 4 of us bid 24.61 but only 1 get the last remaining slot! now i'm stuck in g6 alone, wondering if i should drop! grrrr.
so sebas just told me that boss 2 might see an increase in capacity so *fingers crossed*


n i'm staying up to mug tonite.. cos later got man utd vs villareal!
*fingers crossed again*


=offtomugfinance=


------ Sunday, November 20, 2005

had a fantabulous day chilling with the fab5 yday. i love it when all of us are out together. they even had a belated birthday celebration for LN n me! my finance grpmates consisting of pearlyn, larissa and charles came to join us too cos charles hasnt been to wala's. it was fantastically great fun man. what i wanted to say was summed up beautifully by ray:


"Anyway its always fun chilling with a live band....... We sing out to almost every song....... Lol...... Certain songs are named "Emo" by us and we started putting our hands on each other and started to act pityful...... It really seems like all of us are pissed drunk and high but we were really just having some fun of our own....... Whats so amazing is that we can always just be in our own world and have fun, ignoring all the glares from other patrons thinking that we are either dead high or crazy.........."


ain't it true huh.. and the hor fun after that. *slurp
was really darn tired by the time we split for home.. ed and i just konk out in the cab hahaa..
ahhhh i really like this.


more, i say!



the 3 guys whom i always turn back to :)



it's great to share (almost) the same birthday with someone



the good ol' SFC for remembrance sake.. this is what u get when we get emo!



my finance group.. charles, larissa and pearlyn



thanks, peeps, for making it another memorable nite!


------ Saturday, November 19, 2005

today in finance class, i've realised 2 things that doesn't have any relation to finance at all.


1) irritating people will always be irritating. once an impression forms, it's hard to change. i've tried to change my mind cos they are friends of friends BUT.. haha. sometimes i really don't know what's up with them sia. very nice to pick meh? want to show how smart u are is it? hahaa OK point taken! next!


2) P and i were talking about Wala's tmr with my gang.. then as i talked, it really really hit home that those 4 peeps are the people i can really relax and be around with. like with them, image and the glam factor are left behind. we talk like brothers, eat like brothers, drink like brothers and some say, swear like brothers haha. [disclaimer: we dont swear a lot ok! that was just a figure of speech!] ok anyway. i really enjoy being around with them; also enjoyed the times when it's just the 3 guys cos ms anna vanessa is sooo busy.
uhmmm how to say leh? yes, in smu, i made some friends and stuff like that.. but the new friends i made are never on the same level as the friendship as i have with the 3 guys. it's so comfortable with them.. guess that's why at the end of the day, i always turn back to them when i am down.


i'm not saying other friends i've known aren't important or what.. everyone's important. it's just that they are different. and hey, the point is, i very much like the friends i've made before i started in SMU. to think of it, the fab 5 was formed before school even started in our first year. and now we are almost halfway through our 2nd and we are still all going strong. speaks volume, innit?


and of cos, peeps from sec sch and JC are still the strongest..
my teammates like celia, yy, q3, vanessa, wt.. thou we don meet up very often but i know that in our hearts, those days never disappear. the days where we went thru the ups and the downs, the blood sweat and tears (and of cos the seoul gardens).. they are always in that special place in my heart.. can't wait to see ya all this dec! our traditional harry potter!


my JC peeps like yv, jz and gb who sustained me thru my As. that i will never forget too. my cyclone buddies and 3.5 gang like hantu, ning, selene, tianhao.. and the s64 babes in our gals' unity ahahahaa.
but thru it all - peeps like bain, hongyi, kel and edwin..


ok dunoe why but i was just feeling a bit on the nonstalgic side. somemore boss is talking to me about 酒逢知己千杯少，话不投机半句多 now HAHA. those are my 酒逢知己千杯少 people. in an earlier post, i talked about those who fell into the 话不投机半句多 category.. maybe i should do a post more on that phrase another time.


=peaceout=


------ Friday, November 18, 2005

it's over. IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!


4 presentations - DONE!

wheeeeeee!



i'm freaking tired now. i must, must, MUST clear the sleep debt i have incurred as a result of sleeping on alternative nights!


------ Wednesday, November 16, 2005

3 down, 1 to go!


think we did ok for cat afterall, not too sure about the rest. gosh 3 weeks of hell has accumulated to this... hope friday ends soon!


shucks no energy for finance meeting later already. i'm DARN tired. slept only like 1 hour last nite again. havent even manage to properly close my eyes before i have to open them again.


okok no energy to go on.. let me rest before finance meeting. YAWN~


------ Monday, November 14, 2005

as always, after a period of frustration, there comes the period of counting our lucky stars..

i have twin who's so sweet, he smsed me at nearly 3am, telling me to relax and take care cos twins will feel what the other feel. AWWWW. thanks twin!


and ofcos, shireen.


and my cyclone buddy tianhao.


and oh yeah, ais presentation is OVER! 1 down, 3 to go!!


alrite enuff. cat meeting again. maybe more later.


------ Sunday, November 13, 2005

conclusion: in smu, u really cannot afford to have an off day. the circle crashes, i tell you. so if by some reason, u ARE having an off day, u jolly well make sure u pick urself up real soon.


it takes little for a pick-me-up, really. one packet of calibee hot&spicy (also known as calibee happiness), one packet of vitasoy and the occasional lame stuff like wang da fu.
yesterday we got so bored waiting for our simulations to run that we resorted to playing the wheel of fortune bonus round.and my trusty e730 playing power98's red hot mix providing some club hits. what a way to spend sat nite.


sorry, gayle, for not being to attend ur party. happy 21st!



and last nite (or this morning), i had a very nice dream about mr charismatic. no idea why i dreamt of mr c but hey, i'm not complaining. lol.


and i was able to catch the last half hour of the england-argentina match where mike owen scored 2 in the last 5 mins to give england a 3-2 victory. great!


------ Saturday, November 12, 2005

i just wanna say... thank u very very much, shireen. thanks for talking to me and allowing me to open up to you too. thanks for encouraging me and making me feel so much better about myself. thanks for allowing me to break down, to comfort me and to allow me to stand up again. your friendship is a gift, and one i appreciate a lot.


the story of the water bearer and the cracked pot
this water-bearer used to carry this pot to and fro from the well...but this pot had a crack. this pot and was very depressed and hated itself because the waterbearer would fill it to the brim and by the time it reached the water-bearer's masters' house, there was so little water left. then one day the pot told the water-bearer to get rid of it because it was so useless. but then the water bearer told the pot to observe the flowers along the way one day when he walked back from the well to the masters house. and the pot saw that there were so many flowers. the water bearer explained that he had planted those seeds along the way on the side that he carried the cracked pot on and everytime when he walked back to the house, the water will flow through the crack in the pot and water the flowers below and made them grow.

"that's how god works i think.. he lets his graces flow through ur cracks"
that was beautiful.


------

when push comes to shove, the resilient will prevail.


that was to be the title of what i wanted to post about today. over the past 2 weeks, i have tested my boundaries, i have endured. i sleep an average of 4 hours a day and try my best to be productive for the other 20 hours. i thought i will breakdown, but i didn't. i emerged intact n carried on with whatever i was supposed to do. i was glad that i am able to agree with a friend's nick that 'limits are self-imposed'.


maybe i havent learnt the essence of managing my time well. maybe i'm just that dense and unorganised and terrible and lousy.
but what in fuck's sake is it that you want me to do?!
someone tell me what i should do??
i have cat and twc presentation next wednesday. ais presentation next monday. finance presentation and report next friday. every project needs to meet. and every project wants to meet on the same freaking day. saturday.
1. initially, it's twc at 10.30am and this time has been set some time ago. by the first come first serve rule, this should remain untouched.
2. ais needs emergency meeting on saturday cos presentation is on monday. ok fine. this one more urgent so i asked jem and shir to push twc to 1.30pm and let ais be at 10am.
3. on fri nite, cat decides to have a meeting on sat at 1pm.


ok well NOW I'M STUCK. cat is a bitch and needs time and effort. but so does twc! coincidentally, twc proj takes a higher percentage than my cat presentation!
[and let's not pick the point that i have mentioned maybe about 99 times that i have twc meeting on sat afternoon]
it's not say i don't wanna place emphasis on my cat. i do! but what then happens to my twc?! it's as impt to me! i dont want my twc to flop also!


and the worse part is that it seems almost my fault that i cant make it for cat meeting. what the fuck is wrong? dont come n fucking use formal with me ok!
am i supposed to cancel my twc to meet for cat? OR WHAT?!
how can?!?
want me to prioritise which one more important, what if i tell u twc more impt? then cat chui. what if i say cat more impt? then twc chui issit?????
and then what? every mother son come and 'tell me it's ok la, we can deal'. and this makes me feel like so now suddenly i'm invisible issit? might as well tell me i'm not impt.. and say earlier la!


u want me to get things done, at least give me time and a chance to do so! meet on my birthday until never go home, i very happy meh. my mood actually sour until cannot sour u know?? but i choose not to show it cos i tell myself, what is a birthday? to me, it maybe something but i am just one person vs 3 people to whom this day means another day to rush the project. so i smile and say it's ok and let's chiong the project. afterall, birthday or no birthday, what's the big difference?? i'm not saying i made a big a big sacrifice or what, i'm just trying to make the point that i am willing to stay and work and get things done. i'm not one to tuang.
but now, i really dunoe what to do. if 2 things due on the same day, i can handle. i can split my time n do the things. but 2 meetings at the same time, how??? i can't split myself!


it may seem like i am making a mountain out of a molehill.
but i'm really feeling very stressed out by this whole thing. i want to tell myself, i can do it, this is nothing but i just don't seem to be able to convince myself about that point.



and u know what? sometimes i feel that if i were another person, i wouldnt like myself very much.


------ Wednesday, November 09, 2005

i just spent my 20th birthday not sleeping. sounds darn exciting right? on the contrary, it was anything but exciting. we were rushing cat project. which inciedentally, had the deadline extended to next friday. damn!


but nonetheless, it was a birthday to remember. i felt so loved and so blessed yesterday! like i dont deserve it, u know??
so let me continue to say my thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday. i truly thank u, from the bottom of my heart, for making me so happy yesterday.


chenghui
weiliang
celia
darren
ningxia
hairong
william
LN who actually smsed me a birthday song haha!
youyi
joyce from 1-5
yiing yng
chloe lim
hongyi
joreen
anna
guobin
lilian
wanxin
gayle
melissa hon


a spesh thanks to mel hon and xiaoping, who searched the whole IS block to give me a slice of bday cheesecake! oh man i was so touched!!


so thanks, thanks you for making the otherwise dreary day so much better! =)



p.s. i just had my twc presentation and it went ok i think. i havent slept the whole nite, i'm surprised i'm here blogging now. i'm so tired!!


------ Tuesday, November 08, 2005

i'm officially no longer a teenager!
now is that good or bad??


heh just wanna say a biiiiiiig THANKS!!!! to all who've wished me a happy birthday so far... thanks pals, for making me feel so blessed and so loved!

my dad, my mum and my bro for simply being my family!
shireen for the wonderful bday song thru msn! seeee i put u first!!
bain darling for the well wishes and her constant presence in my life!
kelvina... someone's turning 20 soon too!
edwin my twin! ohmygosh i love the fact that u called me at midnight! thanks twin!!
pearlyn for trying to help me celebrate my bday by arranging dinner and movie!
charles for coming over for dinner and movie even thou he's sick!
jing en for having dinner with me!
larissa for wishing me on both the 7th n the 8th! =)
xiaoping who incidentally, is the first to send me her wishes yday in case she don get to see me today!
li cheng for that drawing!
jem for remembering and for listening to me when i was down!
joyce for really remembering!
yeeying for being the first amongst our old gang.. harry potter soon!
sueann for her wishes and for wishing us luck for twc on wed too!
kevin for his wishes all the way from pulau ntu!
wilfred! so nice man!


"i thought it would sound a bit insincere if i wish u a happy birthday over msn.."
"i told u i'd remember your birthday :-) a very long time ago haha"
"no problem girl.. what are friends for?"


so many well wishes.. ohgosh i really feel so loved.. thanks everybody.
i might just cry now! haha!


------ Sunday, November 06, 2005

totally tired out. quite some things to say but my fingers are not obeying my brain. doesnt help that i'm feeling really hungry now but i dont wanna eat cos it's late. i'm getting fatter as it is already.


projects are killing me, as i guess they are killing everyone else too.
people in varying degrees of crankiness and here are some examples:



edmund trying to eat the mcchicken out of the value saver coupons.


just now during my 7 hours plus long twc meeting, we were talking about how our idea might just be interesting and feasible enough for the guests present at our presentation to take it up and develop it.. then we will be rich! the JSJ Poo-Be-Gone!
and i was commenting that it will be one step closer to our dreams of being rich.
and the moment i said "one step closer", shireen went "to the edge, and i'm about to break". ahahaahaaa!
[that's a linkin park song]


ok i'm spent.. i'm going to read a book or watch an anime and go to sleep soon.
more another time.


p.s. thanks joycelyn!


------