Saturday, September 30, 2006

-plankton-

I had an eventful wednesday indeed. It felt like I did a lot of things that day. I:
- woke up in the morning to eat breakfast
- went to cut my hair
- went to the gym
- finished 2 FT assignments
- went for ITP
wow. especially the gym. I did 5km on the treadmill in 40-ish minutes. Achievement.

Last night was a night out with the my 3 fave guys in SMU. We went to Harry's at Esplanade to chill, of which part of our plan was to surprise Edmund. So we bought a slice of cheesecake and waited for midnight and sang a birthday song for him super loudly. Happy 23rd birthday, Edmund Lin. It's really a wonder how we all stuck with each other over the past 2 years. Here's to many more years of fantastic friendship.

Later over supper, Ray was commenting something about how the smart people in the world are like whales and when we put things in perspective, we really are just plankton in the sea. Hmmm the topic actually sounds serious now but it was kinda hilarious last night early this morning.


Have been in school since 11am this morning doing our AMA project. just finished actually. Oh man 7 hours of AMA.

Alrights off for dinner now.


------ Monday, September 25, 2006

-若要人不知，除非己莫为-

Hui Ying, Jem and I were talking for a short while at the ACF nominations booth today. We were talking about ranting on our blogs. Some people just rant, some choose to keep the blog a secret so that they can rant, and some rant in cryptic language, of which yours truly is a master of. Sometimes the most innocent-looking post is the most venomous of all. Never underestimate.

Well hy said something that prompted me to say the above sentence. If you don't want people to know, then don't tell others in the first place. Actually the sentence meant if u don't want people to know, then don't do it in the first place. But i shall modify it ahahaha.

And actually this reminds me of something Shumei jie said on sat nite: 不疯狂就是没有活过

At that point in time, I found it quite true - we only live once after all. I told it to a friend and here's his response:

him: omg!! so naive!!!
me: naive meh? true what... u do stupid things when u r young. i wouldnt want to look back n my life is like a sheet of blank paper
him: u dun wan 2 look back @ ur life and see a pile of shit either

Oh well it's a different way to see things I guess.

Which actually reminds me of something Edmund once said to me, that's it's ok to take your time, but that we should always have the ending we want in mind, so that time can play a part in helping us get there. I thought that was very thought-provoking. What deep friends I have.


FT mock interview today went alright I guess. I'm not expecting anything too good for my FT, just please not a B or below. Going for UBS talk later wahahahaa. The list looks interesting already!


p.s. This is a short, simple line to Wanida Kok Siew Ying to let her know that she is missed! She has got tix to go see Death Cab for Cutie AHHHHH! jealous jealous!


so have u done ur 1 crazy thing already?


------ Sunday, September 24, 2006

-you'd better push the button and let me know-

bbq yday at xp's place was... interesting actually. managed to mingle a bit here and there then went off with huiying, jac, huixin and yuhui for a round of beer by the pool side. my friends, we will look back on these years and smile, i promise.
played a variation of mahjong back at xp's place. if u hit out the winning tile for someone to win, u drink. if u zi mo, the other 3 will drink. the drink up for grabs - absolut citron with 7-up. each drink is 1 bottle cap shot plus mixer. shiok sia the game. cannot make the drink too strong cos the drivers have to drive la.

today met up with mel, gayle, jac, shumei jie and adri for a girls' nite out. we wanted to go to mind cafe but it was full so we ended up star-gazing at campus green believe it or not. went to the studio, took the GO mats then laid it out on campus green and just talked beneath the stars. which was actually quite enjoyable haha! shall post the photo when i get it.


no reason for this song, just that i happened to chance upon this mtv on youtube today. quite funny actually.

I'm busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it
I Wanna kiss and everything around it but he's too distant
I wanna feel his body, I can't resist it

I know my hidden looks can be deceiving
But how obvious should a girl be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respect me

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve this mission

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

'Push the button' ~ Sugababes

its surpisingly catchy, this tune.


------ Friday, September 22, 2006

-I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in-

i just need to come in here to vent a little.

!#(*&$^)@&$!(&#!#'
!@(&!%*$%&!(#~)(&#@&($#P#%
!@#$%^&*&^%$#$&*)(*&^%$#@
)(*&^%$#@!~@#$%(*&^%$&*(*&^%$#@#$%^&&^U%$#@
*#$*^%(P(#%(#$@&$@$

i need a break. this is suffocating me. why can't we be like normal students who worry about assignments, readings and where my next B+ or A- is going to come from? i am in an increasingly paper-chasing environment where things seem to be determined by GPA. i hate being in a class where class participation becomes disruptive participation. i feel so inadequate when i'm in a class of accounting peeps, like AMA, tax p or even FT. every accountancy student is so smart. and i don't feel a particular urge to start studying now. it's like i exist each day just to get through the day, just for night to come.

i am a strong believer that grades are NOT everything. if not, i wouldn't have chosen SMU 2 years ago when SMU wasn't so established. i wouldn't have so many events at the possible expense of my grades. i am blessed with smartness, i shall not deny that and that has allowed me to focus my energies on things out of studies because i know that at the end of the day, i won't be too far behind in my studies.

sometimes i ask myself if this is all worth it - all the energy, time, sweat put into doing the things i do. and sadly sometimes i honestly do not know. maybe i'm not a good leader, not a good worker but with every step i put forth, i feel more and more inadequate and i dont know what to do about it.


ANYWAYS. that bout of cursing and swearing was for SSAN btw.

and you. talk to me please. cos the truth is, i miss you. i don't know if i should feel this way at all.


Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you, so



------ Tuesday, September 19, 2006

here's an article i chanced upon in the Arts section of talkingcock.com during tax planning class. the humour is slightly more subdued but it makes for good read nonetheless:

PM to perform with Coldplay

have fun.


------ Monday, September 18, 2006

-patience-

in the days where i can only eat non-oily food known as fish soup, fish porridge and fish beehoon, i developed this really strong craving for yeps, KFC. oooh momma. i remember that particular time during the summer break when jem and i met heyuan at kfc at funan after work at EY to eat the buddy meal before going back to school for yet another long meeting. mmmm that was fantastic.

but it's still gonna be a couple of days before i will trust my stomach enuff to be able to take:
- oily food like kfc
- any form of alcohol
- caffeine (caffeine has a natural laxative effect to me)
oh boy i do miss coffee alot too. i have so far wondered how i managed to make it thru 5 days without a drop of caffeine in my system. oh man. 5 days!

lately the spamming prowess of some people have been extraordinary and some emails are thoroughly amusing, or scary, depends on whose angle u are seeing it from. i don't even know to laugh or not man. guess i'll laugh - wouldn't hurt eh.

and this may seem unrelated but it is actually related to something somewhere - ball's in the other court baby. but don't take too long.


Look to the clock on the wall
Hands hardly moving at all
I can't stand the state that I'm in
Sometimes it feels like the wall's closing in

Oh, Lord, what can I say?
I'm so sad since you went away
Time, time, ticking on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord, what can I say?

Try and burn all my troubles away
Drown my sorrow the same way
Seems no matter how hard I try
It seems like there's something just missing inside

How many rules can I break?
How many lies can I make?
How many roads must I turn
To find me a place where the bridge hasn't burned?

Oh, Lord, what can I say?
I'm so sad since you went away
Time, time, ticking on me
Alone is the last place I wanted to be
Lord, what can I say?
Oh, Lord, what can I say?

Brandi Carlile - 'What Can I Say'
as featured on grey's anatomy season 2 eps 2. season 3 in 3 days time yay!


------ Sunday, September 17, 2006

-photos-

the reason why we hang on:

the performance:

the sketches // the standup comedian // the stickies // the stompies


stickie loses his girl // he thinks back // he sees his girl for the first time // he's trying to attract her attention // he woos her // he fights for her // he sees new love // he's trying to impress her // his appreciation

the aftermath:

the classic arts fest 05-inspired cheer // it explodes // popping the champagne sparkling juice // what became of stickie


the people behind stickie // chloe, dod n heyuan (missing jonny n louis) // hui ying and me // jeremy soh loves stickie too // shane carrying stickie's balls heart // paik actually looks like he's talking to stickie // the pails and all // the 'united against shane' movement // i bet stickie knows he's gonna be thrown away


a family of friends, a club without strangers


and this is why we hang on, why we do event after event. love u all la!


------ Saturday, September 16, 2006

-counting-

yesterday:
no. of times i diarhhoea-ed: at least 5
no. of times i vomitted: 1
hours i slept: 12am-7am - 7 hours
things i consumed: 3 bites of bread for breakfast, fish porridge for lunch and dinner (finished less than half each time), 4 x charcoal pills, 2 x lacteol forte sachets

today:
no. of times i diarrhoea-ed: 1
no. of times i vomitted: 0
hours i slept: 2.30am-1pm; 2.30pm-7pm - 15 hours in total
things i consumed: fish porridge for lunch (finished slightly more than half), hor fun for dinner (tasted horrible, stopped eating after a few bites), 2 x warm milo, 4 x charcoal pills, 1 x lacteol forte sachet


i'd have to say that today is definitely an improvement over yesterday. the color of the bodily by-products is still the same but hey, at least it's only once haha.

tmr's menu:
lunch: fish beehoon (progressed from porridge haha)
dinner: to be decided


actually, contrary to what you think, having all this diarrhoea and loss of appetite doesn't help me lose weight at all. i've:
- not moved around much
- slept much more, fell asleep straight after lunch at that
- not been to the gym this week
- had to eat things at odd hours in order to take medicine

tell me, how am i supposed to be losing weight? argh!


on the VERY BRIGHT side though..... i've cancelled everything over this weekend to stay home and recuperate! BLISS!!! i haven't seen my home properly for a long time already! and there's a massive clash between man utd and arsenal tmr! =)


------ Friday, September 15, 2006

-gastroenteritis-

Gastroenteritis involves diarrhea or vomiting, with noninflammatory infection of the upper small bowel, or inflammatory infection of the colon, both part of the gastrointestinal tract.

Usually this is caused by an infection, but this is not always the case. It usually is of acute onset, normally lasting less than 10 days and self-limiting. Sometimes it is referred to simply as 'gastro'. It is often called the stomach flu or gastric flu even though it is not related to influenza.

If the inflammation is limited to the stomach, the term gastritis is used, and if the small bowel alone is affected it is enteritis.

The main symptoms include poor feeding in infants. Diarrhea is common, and may be (but not always) followed by vomiting. Viral diarrhea usually causes frequent watery stools, whereas blood stained diarrhoea may be indicative of bacterial colitis.

The child with gastroenteritis may be lethargic, or running a low fever and have signs of dehydration, dry mucous membranes, tachycardia, reduced skin turgor, sunken fontanelles and sunken eye balls, poor perfusion and ultimately shock.

source: wikipedia


i've gotten gastric flu. after nearly 2 weeks of no-show symptoms, everything decided to reveal themselves yesterday and today. the vomitting started yesterday early afternoon, chills and fever set in late afternoon (i was so cold i wore 3 jackets on top of my own clothes and still felt cold), subsided early this morning and big time diarrhoea set in after the fever subsided at about 4+am. yes i made it a point to remember the time the symptoms set in.

actually, it isn't as bad as narrated. i did have the above symptoms but i didn't feel like i wanted to die. just afraid to step out of the toilet for fear of more diarrhoea to come haha.

i'm now taking charcoal pills, chlorpheriranine (at least, tt's what the doc's handwriting looks like) and lacteol forte sachets to replenish the body salts that i lost. i'm feeling better.


thanks, friends, for all your concern, your "get well soon", your "rest more ok", your "u better go home n rest" and your "if i still see u in school, i'll make sure u go home". i'm touched, really.


------ Wednesday, September 13, 2006

-The BEginning-

ladies and gentlemen, i'm proud to say that... the BEginning was a smashing success! for starters, the audience was really good! i did not expect that many people actually, and the crowd's responsiveness was great. the sketches and the standup had their moments of audience approval and mel hon actually told me that stickie was awesome. she said that when stickie came out, everyone maneuvering stickie faded away and stickie was all that they saw. which was exactly the effect we wanted! the rhythmic cooking was fabulous too, and i daresay we'll give samba masala a run for their money haha!

and the aftermath of the show was great too. everyone wanted to take a photo with stickie haha. and the spaghetti that jem soh, jem tay and paik cooked on stage is actually edible! then all the photo whores came into action as usual.. photos soon i hope.

alrites now that The BEginning is over, we can all take a collective breath of relief, then channel the rest of energies into the other events to come. honestly speaking, the main events on wed, thurs and fri might sound awesome too but really, in terms of entertainment value, i think the BEginning scores the highest. seriously, i don think u'll ever see such alternative forms of entertainment in smu for a long time. huge kudos to all involved with the BEginning, from the performers, to the stage, lights and sound. it wouldn't have been possible without u guys.


------ Tuesday, September 12, 2006

-beautiful stranger-

beautiful stranger - what should i do?


BEginning begins in abt 3.5 hours time, can't wait for it to be over. pls let it be a good show.. and whoever is coming down to watch it, pls clap regardless of what u think haha!

helped out for foh setup and preview show yesterday.. was quite ok i guess. i kinda enjoyed the setting up for foh. just a fuss-free fender and 2 nice people to work with.


gahhhh lim jiahui. stop doing things at full speed. slow down!



Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger


------ Saturday, September 09, 2006

-i would really like to blog. but i is very tired.-

i will just write whatever is at the top of my mind now.

finally, finally went to see the doc's yesterday. after a one-week delay! but i really had breathing difficulties and mild chest pains during friday's fiim class and after lunch, it got quite bad so i went to see the doc's. he too, didn't know what is wrong with me cos i am not running a temperature, nor a blocked nose nor phlegm. so he gave me a short course antibiotics, anti-inflammation drug, and a cough suppressant and told me to go back to see him on monday afternoon to see if we can identify what is wrong with me. at that moment, i really felt as though i had a "medical specimen #1" pasted on my forehead haha!

so i carried on the day with bp meeting then arts fest rehearsal. stickie ran into some serious manpower problem and we had to call whoever we know to come and help us out. here, i must especially thank 2 people who went out of their way to help us contact others - LN and kokleong. thanks so much guys. we solved stickie's problem eventually. spent the long nite straightening out our cues, cutting music etc. exhausted.

today i had AMA make up class and i noticed something. my breathing difficulties only happen when i'm in class! i felt normal during bp meetings and doing BE stuff. i think it must be psychological!


ok back to wed's events. went gymming with shane and instead of working on my FT assgn, i ended up watching 见鬼10 (literally translated as 'seeing ghosts 10') with gayle and kokleong on kl's laptop. and then OH MAN that night, kl sent me this spooky pic and told me some stuffs about the pic that freaked me out that i couldn't sleep properly at nite! and so coincidentally, i didnt have much time to sleep on thurs and fri nite too, so that's 3 nights of insufficient sleep, which explains a super zombified me today.

arts fest week just quickly be over pls. we all here at BE need some sleep desperately. esp esp the rhythmic peeps. love their performance too.

SO FRIENDS... if u are sick of the same old entertainment of dancers, breakers, plays and rock bands, come down to the T-junction outside OCBC (the arts fest stage is there!) on Tuesday, 7pm for The BEginning, proudly and wholly brought to u by SMUBE for a nite of alternative entertainment that SMU has never seen before!

"The BEginning - The Sketch of the Standing Rhythmic Stickman that Cooks": alternative entertainment that consists of a series of 4 sketches (kinda like a 'whose line is it anyway' style), a standup comedy (by heyuan nonetheless!), a life-sized stickman and a very, very interesting rhythmic cooking segment! BE entertained by something you've never seen in SMU before!

So i'll see you all there on Tuesday night k? if nothing else, come support my stickman la! it's exceedingly rare that i actually perform for something ah!


------ Friday, September 08, 2006

haha. haha. HAHAHAHA!

sorry for the weird posts lately. been feeling unstable. updates soon.


------ Tuesday, September 05, 2006

BAHHH BAHHH BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ARGH.


------ Saturday, September 02, 2006

-now i'm just a phony-

1) BP meeting at 8-fricking-30am tmr. SUNDAY. and it's only week 3.
2) AMA presentation (non-graded though) on monday. and it's only week 3.
3) FT assignment due on thursday 12pm. and it's only week 3.
4) thank goodness i dropped MPW.

during tax planning class on the tuesday just passed, i was reading the blog of a friend from my past and the feeling was that of.... how should i say, a mixture of curiousity, nonstalgia and yet, indifference. u gotta be there with me to feel it. wasn't exactly the most pleasant of feeling but yet, it could be worse i guess.

i do get asked why i named my site 'now i'm just a phony'. so here it is - it is actually a line out of vertical horizon's very famous song. and it fits my frame of mind when i renamed my site then: i felt that i was just putting on a facade, and something deep inside me was so heavy and it just wants to breakaway. though now i don't feel that way but still, i think the wall never goes away if i think about it. i'm still a phony.


So you stole my world, now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl, leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter, make yourself feel better

It may take some time to pass me up inside
I can't take it so I run away and hide
And I may find in time that you were always right
You're always right

So you sail away into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay, love can be so boring
What was it you wanted? Could it be I'm haunted?

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

'Best I Ever Had' ~ Vertical Horizon


------

-rules of engagement-

honestly, i didn't know how i got past this week. i am so very tired.

anyway. these are my rules of engagement:

1) never give out all personal contacts. leave some leeway for yourself.

2) release enough info for people to fathom a guess. abandon plan if attempts do not yield results. try again some time later.

3) there is this thing called a personal space. intrude it and u're enemy.

4) start to identify the windows of opportunity. u do not want to miss out on too many windows only to think back and slap yourself. hindsight is, afterall, always 20/20.


and very, very importantly, do NOT remain silent when u desperately want to say something.



yes, my mind is still on that.


------