Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i should, shouldn't i? this could be the 1 good thing that's happening in my life right now until i self-implode again. but i can't really do what my heart doesn't feel strongly for right?


and then there's something else, something that is wrong, that somehow feels so.... right.


there you have it, circles in my mind.. even thou the title of my blog says- "pourquoi pas?" - meaning, "why not?" - my heart doesn't really practise what my brain preaches. oh such is the bane of life........


------ Sunday, October 25, 2009

lol the past weekend was tremendous.. haven't partied like that for a long time!

fri- anna's bday.. the party at butter was fucking awesome man. the drinks were just flowing (thanks anna!) and the music was good (for once) and the company was tremendous. and then when the music ended, we moved the party to some macdonalds.. it was madness, and the madness only ended at 6am. when i got home, the sun was rising and i was totally bone tired.

it was damn funny, many things happened- anna got her feet cut by broken glass (ouch!), ppl were just pushing drinks after drinks at me, yq became my shield for the nite against other people, the dancing with anna n xl and christina was super fun, macd's was hilarious!

damage count- 4 different shots and at least 5 or 6 glasses of mixers, enough to make us happy campers for the night. plus. 2 scratches on my foot that i have no idea where they came from, and yq said he found scratches on his hand. lmao!


yesterday- adi's farewell dinner n drinks. dinner at this awesomely bad resto at boat quay. my god, it was so bad, it was epic. cheesy music, bad food, u name it, they have it! we had the set dinner, and for the mains, we had 3 choices - fish, chicken or beef. so i asked the waiter- how is the fish cooked? his reply- "it is cooked by my chef". !!!!!!!!!!
in the end i ordered chicken with the reassurance that it "will be cooked by the chef". it turned out to be roasted chicken with a weird reddish looking sauce. and after taking 1 taste at the sauce, renny looked at me and said- "that's the sauce for chilli crab!" and by god, it was!! horrifying...

then drinks at tapas tree, and later partying at attica. gosh i was so tired out and i left at 2.30am... it was just too much for me to take man!


anyways. managed to catch "julie & julia" yesterday.. love the show!! can someone buy me the cook book by julia childs please???
speaking of which, i haven't been cooking much for a very long time, time to find some time to cook up something again.. i feel inspired after watching julie & julia!


------ Wednesday, October 21, 2009

oh yes, today i met up with someone whom i haven't seen in a few months. so as we were having dinner and exchanging updates, she told me about someone whom she's kind of involved with, but who is not so good for her now. she told me she made things very clear between them and she's sure nothing will happen for now.
so i asked her- that's just the head part. what about the heart?
her response- "i'm a very rational person. i always follow my head cos it's much easier to handle."

hmmm she has so much more resolve than me i think. my heart always makes me do stupid silly dangerous things that sometimes, i regret, yet sometimes i don't.


anyways. random fact #283761- seeing as to how my room light is flashing like a disco ball, i can't read so i can't sleep properly, which kinda explains why i was blogging at 1am yesterday besides for the fact that i was talking to poh as well. i can't read so my mind is still choked with things that happened in the day, no avenue to empty it before i sleep..
which brings me to the random fact- when i get irritated as hell and i cant get it out of my system, i play endless games of minesweeper, expert version. there's something numbing about that game that just keeps me hooked on it until my mind empties itself out.

and today, i come to the conclusion that love is not so much like a box of chocolates, but it sure is like a game of expert minesweeper- if you move on blind luck, if u don't think through it and strategise a bit, if you don't have gut feeling, u're bound to fail. BUT. even if u plot and scheme and over-analyse, there comes a point where u will be blindsided- damned if u do, damned if u don't. so u take a guess and a leap of faith- guess correctly, u're in luck, and u live to fight another day. guess wrongly- boom.


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i think yesterday, what took over me wasn't just momentum, it was some pent up frustration and pent up irritation as well.. ah well.

anyways.. feels like a long torturous week.. something's gonna happen to my job in november, i don't know if it's gonna be good or bad, so it's kind of making me a bit irritated and frustrated at the same time. plus the little things that's happening now- problem with my own stuffs, covering for other ppl, projects, blah blah blah, there's quite a bit on my plate..

on the other hand, i feel irritated at some ppl as well, but ah well, that will pass i guess.

meanwhile, i'll just press on..


Ma chambre a la forme d'une cage
Le soleil passe son bras par la fenêtre
Les chasseurs à ma porte comme les petits soldats
Qui veulent me prendre

Je ne veux pas travailler
Je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume

Déjà j'ai connu la parfum de l'amour
Un million de roses n'embaumerait pas autant
Maintenant une seule fleur dans mes entourages
Me rend malade

Je ne veux pas travailler
Non, je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume

Je ne suis pas fière de ça vie qui veut me tuer
C'est mangifique être sympathique
Mais je ne le connais jamais

Je ne veux pas travailler
Non, je ne veux pas déjeuner
Je veux seulement l'oublier
Et puis je fume


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today i achieved sth that i've never done before... i ran for 63 mins on the treadmill!!
usually i'm dead after 6km max or after 45 mins depending, but today sth came over me and i just kept running.. i couldn't believe it either. it's like, i felt like shit when i started.. abt 3km later, i lost track of proper breathing and i just hoped i can last a bit longer.. then abt 5km in, something just kicked in and i could just feel momentum pushing me on.. 5 became 6, 6 became 7, 7 became 8, until i couldn't go on anymore aft abt 8.5km partly out of boredom haha..

so ok. 8.5km in 63 mins, not exactly flying colours but to me, that's a damn big deal, so i'm really contented for now..

after running, i headed to the steambath for abt 15mins.. damn shiok. i'm ready to face the rest of the week now..............


------ Wednesday, October 14, 2009

this was on postsecret last week:



and it's exactly how i feel.

and 1 of the responses, i remember, was-
maybe you are already that person.


------ Sunday, October 11, 2009

met bainie for dinner last friday evening and somehow, the topic got on to.. mediocrity. and how we are regressing as we get older. what happened to being confident and assured and well spoken? instead we are frustrated, angsty and demoralised. okay maybe not as bad as it sounds, but u get the idea.

i dunoe, i just thought that this wasn't supposed to happen this way? hahahaa argh no idea why i'm so angsty lately.

gahhh i wanted to go on writing but i just kinda lost my train of thought, and with it, the urge to write.


------ Saturday, October 10, 2009

j'admets, aujourd'hui, je suis allée au bibliothèque seulement parce que je l'y ai vu.
anyway, il m'a taquiné quand il m'avait vu dans la section "étudier en france". il m'a dit que "les toilettes sont là-bas" haha. j'ai répondu que j'étais aider un ami qui veut étudier à HEC. puis il m'a dit que l'HEC est pour les professionels.. comme lui. il a dit qu'il est "crème de la crème" hahaha.. eh bon, aujourd'hui j'ai decouvert qu'il était étudiant de littérature. j'aimerais penser que je le plus connaisse petit à petit..


------ Thursday, October 08, 2009

today i think that my life's a big bore hahaha.
where's the adventure i promised i'd go on when the time came? instead i still think i'm heading to mediocrity. why can't i do something that brings me away from it? i have no idea... in fact if i'm not careful, i'll be heading towards a below-mediocre life. damn.

but meanwhile, i've been reading up (unbelievably!) on what i can do and maybe i'll try it out. i guess... je n'y peux rien donc je t'attends..


------ Wednesday, October 07, 2009

i'm super tired after a looooooong session in the gym and i'm actually ready to fall asleep. but i just wanted to write about this..

I was watching History channel (my fave channel after discovery) and the documentary was about Japan's war past and how it still affects people today. Specifically, it was about Korean women who were forced into sexual slavery at "comfort stations" during the war years.

These women endured horific pasts and couldn't talk about it for over 50 years after the war. Stigma, unhappy memories, don't want to hurt their families, whatever their reasons are. These women are still alive, and they have began to tell their stories starting in the mid 1980s. I fell out of my chair when one of them said she once had to "comfort" over 50 men in 1 day. It is barbaric behaviour.

Now, these women want their compensation- an official apology from Japan. Not just a personal apology from whoever is the Prime Minister of the day, but from the nation itself. But till now, Japan does not admit its war crimes- the documentary interviewed 2 former Japanese soldiers who wanted to apologise, and 2 historians, who questioned the authenticity of the women's stories.


These women hate the Japanese for what they did to them but refused to acknowledge. Watching this documentary, one can find every reason to hate the Japanese, and I can understand why 70 years after the War has ended, there are still anti-Japanese sentiments simply because Japan refused to apologise.

But it also got me thinking- where do we draw the line behind "history" and "now"? Those atrocities were committed by people in the past- do we hate the present generation for what their ancestors did? Do we blame the young people for believing what they have learnt since young: that Japan was blameless in the War?
Yes we blame the survivors, the heavily biased government, but how do you blame a "government"? They are now made up of the new generation, how are they able to accept that they have got to apologise for something horrendous the past generation did?

Unlike the Germany scenario where Germany acknowledged and apologised for the War, Japan has simply let the problem carry on.
It's a tough problem, we have just been mucking around it for the longest of times.

If I know the solution for it, I'd be winning the Nobel Peace prize. But meanwhile, like the documentary, this post is in honour of the women who were forced into sexual slavery.


------ Sunday, October 04, 2009

j'ai encore l'espoir aujourd'hui.. je l'ai vu quand j'étais allée au bibliothèque (encore) mais je n'ai rien fait.. je suis directement allée à mon étagère favori et il était près de la porte. au bout d'un moment, il est venu en direction de moi et m'a salué! il m'a appelé "une femme fatale" à cause de mon maquillage d'œil haha.. je pense que je suis sur que il est venu là seulement pour m'a saluer parce que il n'a rien fait d'autre. il a fait un tour dans la section d'enfants puis il a repris à sa tâche heh..

et puis j'aurais pu voir qu'il était cherchant quelquechose dans un autre étagère. quand il avait enfin fini, je lui ai démandé ce qu'il a cherché. il m'a regardé et puis repondu- "toi". ouahhhhhhh! :D

puis je lui ai démandé s'il pouvait me recommender quelquechose de lire, et il m'amené à.... la section d'enfants lol. il m'a recommendé une série de romans qui s'appele "le petit nicolas". apparemment, petit nicolas est très celebre en france! hahaa.. j'ai hâte de le lire..

j'aime beaucoup le bibliothèque =)


------ Saturday, October 03, 2009

so we celebrated edmund's bday this year in a totally sane manner (much unlike last year's mix of cafe iguana plus attica). we headed to aburiya for a super good bbq dinner. the meats were Yummy! then to inconitro for a spot (or rather, 4 bottles) of wine. But me being on medication, can't touch any alcohol so i'm the one there drinking apple juice. bahhhh.
gotta say, this friday was a rare teetotaller one for me..

and yah, back to work now. super sian. looking for a short trip (like KL or BKK) abroad, but pretty much lazy to book or arrange anything for it.

lately i've been back in more frequent contact with some ppl i havent seen in a long time.. and it's good. it's nice to go back and look at their facebook photos and think about those times we spent together..


oh i've finally finished reading three comrades by erich maria remarque.. i think it is not as good as his previous novel (the road back) and certainly not as powerful as "all quiet on the western front". in fact, i was much sadder when gottfried lenz died than when patricia hollman died (main story). but ah well, a relatively ok read.


anyways. last quarter of the year gonna be slightly busier- colleagues taking turns to be on leave so gotta cover them. then my job is moving to hk- but not me :( so got to learn new stuffs. not sure if i'm looking fwd to the last quarter. but c'est la vie hein... what to do..... haiz..


but to edmund, happy belated birthday..


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