Sunday, January 31, 2010

Congrats Jing En & Eileen!

So another happy couple got married. This time at Klapson's Hotel near Cantonment Rd. It's on the rooftop of this boutique hotel, nice cosy informal setting just for friends.. Pretty nice I suppose. In fact he's the first of my friends to throw a wedding banquet.. serious!

Congrats JE.. Have a happy, long and blissful life together!


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I love Paris in the springtime

I had a Paris dream again last night.

I was at the front of a vehicle. Some kind of bus or tram, winding thru the streets of Paris, then it went along a street that I knew with such familiarity. My senses tuned in with the surroundings and instinctively I took out my camera- La Tour Eiffel (The Eiffel Tower) is coming into view soon. Then click- there I have it, the top of the Eiffel captured perfectly on my cam. I was happy.

Still is quite cool how I get to dream of France or Europe once every few months..


------ Thursday, January 28, 2010

Maybe I gotta clarify a bit on the fast lovin' post.. I literally meant people who could one moment say "I miss you" or "I can't stop thinking about you" or "You mean so much to me" but 2 or 3 weeks later, you hear that he is seeing someone else and they have been together for a week or 2 now. Like, seriously????

But hmmm why am I explaining myself anyway...


------ Wednesday, January 27, 2010

meet my powerful subconscious

I think I have a really powerful subconscious? I really think so! It is capable of doing entire sequences of things without my conscious knowledge! Like for eg, if I listen to a song that I like for a long enough time, I am able to sing the whole song from memory. Or how about, every morning when I reach the office, sometimes I find myself standing in the pantry before the coffee machine before I even realised I am there. Or how about the latest incident-

Last night was quite a warm night and I couldn't get to sleep. It was quite stuffy and even having my legs touch the bedsheet is irritating cos then the part in contact with the bedsheets will have no air circulating around it.. and it's so hot! So I folded my comforter so that it becomes a few centimetres higher above the bed surface and propped my feet on it. I fell asleep soon after.

Then I woke up at abt 5am and I realised I was sleeping on top of my comforter.
So sometime between 1am and 5am, my subconscious felt cold, got up, unfolded and covered me with the comforter, then it felt hot again, so it flipped it aside and somehow got me to sleep atop the comforter! And I have totally no recollection of that happening!

It can't be my mum cos I will definitely wake up, I'm a light sleeper that way. I can sleep thru phone calls and earthquake tremors from indonesia, but I wake up at the sound of alarms or if someone suddenly comes into contact with me. I suppose it's some self defence thing at work. GASPSSS this self defence thing is my subconscious too!!


And guess what, my subconscious just finished off an entire tau huay container-sized full of cut watermelon for me!! I remembered when I took the container out of the fridge, I thought to myself- I'll just eat a few pieces, I'm still full from dinner. Next thing I know, the entire container is empty!


Oh my... I'm getting a liiiitle wary of my subsconscious now!


------ Monday, January 25, 2010

absent-mindedly

Really, all I want is to be able to do or say certain things absent-mindedly. Not because it is taken for granted, but because it is so natural, it feels absurd to feel any other way about it.

Si seulement.... Quel dommage.


------ Sunday, January 24, 2010

Hmmm last week I spent more time doing some stuffs than I have ever did and I actually experienced a cycle doing it- laziness, inertia, boredom, lack of motivation, feeling like I suck at it, then taking a step back to recollect myself, pep talk, restart, powering up, then feeling good. Wow.

Been eating a lot too- we went to have Korean-style BBQ at Crystal Jade for dinner, yesterday had some awesome fried carrot cake, super oily (but tastes great) chicken rice... oh my. But what the heck la, I deserve the food after a low morale week!


Anyways. Friend of mine happened to mention that she recently went to read Xiaxue's blog and thought it was surprisingly an ok read. I wouldn't know, I haven't read it since JC times so I went to read it and hmmmm, it seems like even though it has been 6+ years since "JC times", her blog content pretty much remains the same? I have nothing against it, I suppose it's a guilty pleasure read for some, or perhaps a guilt-free indulgence into the very banalities of life for some others, but.... it just isn't my cup of tea. I enjoy reading stuffs on random things, just maybe not her style. It's just so......... banal. Ahahahaa..

New week, new challenge, new things to work towards!!!


------ Thursday, January 21, 2010

fast lovin'

Today I heard from a very reliable source (trusted 100%) some very reliable info about a certain mutual friend, who has.... let's just say, moved fwd. I wasn't gutted or happy or annoyed (I am numb btw), but it got me thinking- just how "transferrable" are feelings?

I, for one, am someone who simply can't understand how feelings and emotions can be transferred from one person to another at the snap of the fingers. I can't. To me, either you have it, or you don't. If you have it, you can certainly nurture it but if you don't, then you shouldn't force it. Why do some people find it so easy to jump into and out of relationship after relationship? Don't they get disillusioned? Or is it because they don't want to or are afraid to be alone? Or is it simply that in this age of fast lovin' and knee-jerk reactions, I am becoming outdated?


Sigh many things in my mind, thinking about the future, where I want to go and what I want to do for my career and etc- and I have no idea. Zilch. It's like going back to square one all over again. And once again, I feel like I'm just stealing an existence in this life. I'm just borrowing this body and pretending to be this normal, happy, jokey person but really, I'm not here...


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how do u remain motivated

I'm actually very tired physically after 3 straight days in the gym but I can't get to sleep, so that explains this really structurally odd-sounding post.

What can I do when I don't feel motivated? I haven't felt real motivation for some time now, I've been feeling numb since last year, haven't really felt like doing anything interesting or having great interest in whatever I'm already doing. Actually I'm not totally clueless as to why I feel a lack of motivation. There are various reasons, each one none the more plausible than the last.

Actually during this period of time, I realised it's not necessarily only interest in something that keeps u in it. Sometimes negative emotions can drive me on too. It's like, I'd rather feel something than nothing at all, cos at least when feeling something, I'm feeling and it proves that I'm still alive. Anger, irritation, joy, stupidity, love, disappointment, whatever, those can give me the motivation to keep at something. Without these, all of a sudden, I feel lost and lethargic and I don't want to continue anymore.

In fact my mind is so pathetically blank and unfeeling that I couldn't focus in yoga class and I couldn't even hold a balancing pose that I had learnt to maintain over the year. It's pathetic, really.


Someone give me some inspiration please? I don't like feeling this way. How do u rediscover motivation and feelings?


------ Sunday, January 17, 2010

memory lane

While cleaning out my room over the past few weeks, I found some long-lost items:

1. Books I thought I've lost / forgot I owned- some chick lits from JC times, random fiction books and the horribly difficult-to-read Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder. I suppose it is a good book on Philosophy, just that Philosophy isn't really my kind of topic.
And oh yes, I found E's copy of Birdsong! Sorry E I haven't returned it to you after eons!! I remember it being a good read, let me read it 1 more time before returning it to u ok??

I've also arranged the stack of books I own but haven't got down to finish reading:
The J curve by Ian Bremmer (Quite interesting- will eventually finish this)
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (Really want to finish reading this one)
Emma by Jane Austen
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
The Chronicles of Narnia (all 7 volumes) by CS Lewis
The Lord of the Rings (all 3 volumes) by JRR Tolkien (Doubt I'll ever finish this)

Ooh I love books, I'm such a geek.


2. Clothes that I've forgotten where I kept them!

- Cedar outdoor adventure instructor & leader tshirts! In all colours imaginable! Maroon, light blue, dark blue, grey, black, everything!!

- VJ uniform!! Comes complete with drawstring for the blouses! My gosh, those were the days, we were the epitome of coolness with our drawstring tops cos we refused to tuck in our blouses.. And we would hurriedly tuck them into our skirts and suffer for 5 mins looking like a nerd during the morning assembly spot checks.. Goosebumps just thinking about it!

- Clothes we raided from Bangkok/China/Hong Kong! Thou I don't wear them anymore and am going to throw them out / give or donate them away, it's kinda fun to look at them and remember where I bot them from and what happened during those fun trips!

- Prom dress from JC! OMG omg so old school!! It was a cool purplish bluish full length dress make of satin and organza.. Organza! We could only ever carry it off when we were 18. I couldn't possibly carry it off now!


3. My loggies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
These were the days before there were blogs and laptops, and those were the days where I went to places with no internet access for fun!

- Loggie No.1: Elephant! I had Elephant when I went for the Gunung Ulu Sepat expedition in J1. We went to scale the 2161m-high mountain in Perak, what an experience it was.. My loggie was named "Elephant" cos we were told that elephants actually live in the mountains and they sometimes scale the peak too. What a cool picture that was.. Elephant and a pen stayed in a ziplog bag stowed safely in my monster backpack and contained all my thoughts and emotions during the 6 or 7 day trip, especially during 2-day-ascend-1-day-descend hike. My gosh, just re-reading the loggie brought back so much memories and so many lessons I learnt not only from Mother Nature, but also from our Orang Asli guides (Aborigines), my fellow hikers and my buddy for the trip who was very patient with me.

- Loggie No.2: (Nameless)
I had Loggie 2 when I went to Cambodia for a Overseas Community Involvement Programme during end of J1. We went to Phnom Penh and Takeo for abt 2 weeks for some voluntary work. I remembered teaching English & Arts and interacting with the kids at Sok Sabay, a shelter in Phnom Penh, for children who have been rescued from domestic violence, physical or mental abuse, slavery, child prostitution, starvation, abandonment etcetc, basically kids from a very desperate social backgrounds, where they were vulnerable or in danger. The kids all had their own sob stories that would absolutely break your heart and wrench your guts, but they were also all so.... optimistic that their future could be better. Despite having survived in places where they could trust no one, they opened their hearts to us and they taught me many lessons in humanity and love and never giving up hope. I've always said I will sponsor 1 Sok Sabay child eventually when I have the means to, and I'm still working towards that, I haven't forgotten about it..

- Loggie No.3: (Nameless)
This was the period between my Ulu Sepat trip and before I came about having an online blog. Random stuffs abt life during J1 and J2, so sweet and innocent and funny and nostalgic... sighhhhh


Anyways, that's that. A long trip down memory lane. Things have changed so much now- where things were simple and innocent, everything was a new experience and so much fun, now things are just falling into a routine, and things almost always inevitably get complicated. Life just becomes that much more difficult as we grow up.
What wouldn't I give to go back to those days and start over again...


------ Thursday, January 14, 2010

9-65.00~

I love my alone time. Though the things I think about may not always be nice, I still love and need my alone time.

Finally going to bed, another potentially long day tmr..


Oh but can I say, **Chuck season 2 spoiler- Stop reading if you haven't watched**
I'm very sad that Bryce died, he was a cool character! And how cool is that, Chuck now knows kungfu! Wooohoooooo can't wait to watch Season 3!!


------ Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Cap ou pas cap?

This was something we used to do last time, but now it has become yet another memory. Sometimes, really, all I want to say to you is- Cap ou pas cap?
But I guess the time was long gone..

Ahhh les wistful memoires.....


------ Sunday, January 10, 2010

presque

Yesterday I really wanted to do what I promised I'll try, but I simply couldn't find you. What a pity!

Et quand j'étais dans le bibliothèque, je n'ai pas t'approché parce que tu étais parlait avec une autre. Et puis, tu es passé devant ma classe, tu avais arreté et m'a souhaité "bonne année".. As-tu pensé que j'ai oublié ce que je t'ai promis? En fait, non, c'est simplement que je ne pouvais pas trouver ta salle de classe. Merde, quel dommage!

Anyways. What else? Uhmmm, nothing much. Pretty much the usual, also started to clean my room bit by bit. I'm so proud of my bookshelf, and I need to buy more books to make it into the bookshelf I've always envisioned it to be since I presently can't have my dream floor-to-ceiling version.
Slowly, I guess.. Gotta clear my room of all the excess junk and things that I have been hoarding in the name of "memories". Should be quite a fun trip down memory lane......


------ Tuesday, January 05, 2010

10-76:30+

Today I succumbed to pain for almost 10 mins. I just couldn't continue, it was so bad. Man, the effect of Christmas + New Year feasting is really showing!

Now I'm in even more pain bahhhhh..

Oh now that I'm up to the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory (no more new episodes left to watch), I'm finally back to watching Chuck, Season 2. I really like Chuck even though the basic premise might sound cheesy- computer geek becomes unwitting CIA agent; his handler is hot and gorgeous. But it's really nice!

Ok back to Chuck! :D




No laughing- I really like this song! Even if he came from UK's Pop Idol!


------ Monday, January 04, 2010

essayer

Il y a quelquechose, mais je ne te le redirai plus jamais parce que ce serait inutile.. et quoique je sais que je vais le trouver difficile, je vais essayer parce que c'est la nouvelle année, et j'ai l'opportunité de commencer à nouveau, et cette fois-là, je crois que je peux le faire..


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resolutions, part 2

Today I was thinking about my low expectations and generally musing about what I should be doing this year. And then I started to think that I should be doing so much better, and that a lot of things do start with me. There are in fact things I can set out to do- I want to be a better person. Probably not the best, but I could've been kinder, more patient, less sacarstic, more loving, more giving, more tolerant. It's really a lot to ask for an improvement over a year, but now I have a target.

Let's start with more patient.

Ta-da! I have a new year's resolution!


------ Sunday, January 03, 2010

resolutions

Hongyi mentioned something over the new year celebrations that I thought was interesting. We were trying to make resolutions when she commented- Resolutions are different from wishes. Resolutions are something that we actually have to work towards. Damn right, girl.. Resolutions are not easy to make.

And yes, I do think that resolutions and wishes are different.
For eg:
Resolution- I want to promoted this year!
Wish- Damn I wish I can strike $5mio Toto and retire immediately!
In fact, 1 of my resolution is completely opposite from my wish.

But actually, my resolution is very simple, I just want to get through this year in 1 piece, as always. Seeing as to how I didn't really get through 2009 in 1 piece (as with the past 3 years), really, I just want to get through 2010 still intact. Anything extra, well then it's just bonus.

I'm beginning to have low expectations of myself, aren't I?


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Sometimes, I just feel like I don't want to do it anymore. Why do I even try? Why do I even want to try? Even if it makes me feel reclusive? I don't know.. Not a very nice thought to start the new year. And damn, I have high hopes for this new year. It just has a nice ring to it, like something good is gonna happen this year..

Ah well, I will still keep hope and faith, for without them, I am nothing.
Garde, au sein du malheur, l'espérance et la foi. Parce que sans l'espoir, je ne suis rien..



我始终带着你爱的微笑 一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑过嘴角 就用你握过的手抹掉
再多的风景也从不停靠 只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好 但就是谁都替代不了



------ Friday, January 01, 2010

NYE '09

NY celeb was great great great! Think this is turning out to be our annual celebration- the Great NY Eve Potluck!

This year's theme was "All-day breakfast" and we each had to prepare a dish that begins with our initials! Plus- this year's dress code was singlet/tank top plus hat and tie.. Haha, just sth wacky thought up of by Hongyi.. Pictures!



In the middle- the participants for this year's Great NY Eve Potluck!
Clockwise from top left- Kel's Kelloggs Krispies Chocolate // Hongyi's Hashbrown casserole // Zhenhong's Zucchini Ratatouille // Fred's French toast // Bain's Ber (porridge) with youtiao // Jiahui's Jam & crepes (And in the words of Hongyi- Yes, there was jam but nobody used it on the crepes because we had bananas, nutella, strawberries, whipped cream and ice cream)


Then we headed to Stadium Waterfront area (aka Pebble Bay bridge) to chill and take more photos..


It was not that crowded so it was all good.. nice scenary that makes for good photos though!




Happy 2010!!
May it bring many opportunities, laughter and love for you.. We'll check back in 365 days' time!!


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